Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: October 2010

I have three good reasons why this is the first post I’ve made since the last results column: 1) I was lazy, 2) I do not care at all about what happens at this show, and 3) I have a much larger project that I’ve been working on for the past week and am going to be working on for the next couple of weeks more, a project that I hope will be spread across the internet and reach the office of one Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Or one of his underlings. Anyway, you could fill a football stadium with how much I don’t care about Bragging Rights, so let’s get this picks post out of the way, shall we?

Champion vs. Champion – Daniel Bryan Danielson vs. Dolph Ziggler

If this is the prelude to the unification of the United States and Intercontinental Championships, I’m pretty much okay with it. As much as it seems like Vince hates pushing Danielson, he hasn’t lost on PPV yet. Well, he got pinned in that WWE vs. Nexus match at Summerslam, but that was after he eliminated two Nexus members, which I count as a win. I just wish Michael Cole would shut up for five minutes about how much he hates Danielson so we could enjoy his matches. Ziggler is just kind of there, not really advancing past the mid card. Because he’s perfect in PPV matches so far, I’m picking Daniel Bryan Danielson to win and someday become the Unified Inter-United-Conti-States-Nental champion.

Diva’s Championship – Layla (c) vs. Natalya

Laycool is never going to drop these belts as long as they’re together and a disqualification means they retain the belt. Layla retains. NEXT.

WWE Championship – Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett

Yawn. Randy Orton retains somehow, either by an accidental DQ by Cena or Barrett or a freak pinfall after said mistake by Cena.

Buried Alive Match for the World Heavyweight Championship – Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker

Every time I’ve picked the Undertaker to win, he’s lost. But not this time! This feud has been losing steam for the past few weeks, and a Buried Alive match is very symbolic of finishing something for good. This is going to be the last match in this feud for a while. If they decide to pick it up again, it won’t be for a couple of months, which may be a good idea. As to who wins, well, I think I kind of gave that away in the first two sentences. Against my better judgment, I am once again picking The Undertaker to win. Maybe Kane will go into hiding afterwards so they don’t have a return match. I don’t know, really. Bu it should be fun.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown – 7-on-7 Elimination Match

What’s the point? What’s the point of booting Kaval out of the match in favor of Super Hobo Man, AKA Tyler Reks? What’s the point in replacing Mark Henry with the immensely awful Ezekiel Jackson? What’s the point of having a Survivor Series PPV when we’ve already had one 7-on-7 elimination match at Summerslam and one at Bragging Rights? I’m convinced there is no point. I’m not even going to try to go into the feuds both within each team and between the two teams, because it would be a waste of my time. Team Raw wins this severely pointless match.

I apologize for the shortness of this entry. I just hope it helps you understand how little I care about Bragging Rights and WWE in general. Part of it does have to do with politics, and part of it has to do with how awful WWE is in comparison to a good wrestling promotion. I am getting tired of the boring, stale programming that WWE is pumping out every week. I may stop watching altogether soon. Especially if they actually try to land Justin Bieber to sing the national anthem at Wrestlemania 27. Then I’m boycotting them forever. So much for trying to end this on a positive note. Stay functional, everyone!

Advertisements

As has happened several times in the past, the shows with little intrigue end up surprisingly good. This doesn’t always happen, but having six total matches on the card will only help the performers tell a story in the ring instead of rushing things. And despite starting out perfectly in picks, a perfect 5-0 record was squandered by unforseen circumstances. I’m not going to whine and cry about it, so let’s get right to the results.

Bryan Danielson defeated The Miz and John Morrison in a Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match to retain the United States Championship

Quite a mouthful for that first match. They definitely picked the right match to start the show. This was a wicked affair, with tons of legitimate submission holds (instead of a dozen rest holds in between a real submission) and constant action between all three competitors. And what was great was that no one held a clear advantage throughout. Danielson even got some Cattle Mutilation in there, and I loved how weirded out Cole got when he heard it’s name. What was also nice was seeing Miz and Morrison expand their repertoires to include some fairly strong submissions. Seeing Morrison lock a Texas Cloverleaf on Miz was pretty awesome. I’ll give the devil his due: Miz was just as good in this match as Danielson and Morrison. He had some help from his carbon copy, Alex Riley, but thanks to some interference from an unassuming cameraman, Danielson put Miz in the LeBell Lock on the entrance ramp and secured the victory. I was very pleased with how this match went from start to finish. Definitely a match to watch if you get the chance. These three could continue their feud for a while longer and I wouldn’t mind at all, so long as we get more Triple Threat matches out of it.

Randy Orton defeated Sheamus in a Hell in a Cell match to retain the WWE Championship

Again, the right decision was made as to which Cell match went first. And I will again give the other devils their due: these two had a really good 20+ minute match. I think it was more me shutting out the commentators and just enjoying the match more than anything, because they tend to ruin matches with their ceaseless banter. I also think that Orton and Sheamus had to pull out all the stops after seeing the Triple Threat match and how awesome it was. The one issue I have with this match is the end. Instead of Orton building up to an RKO like he normally does, the match just kind of ended. Orton hit the RKO on the steel steps Sheamus had pulled into the ring (though it looked more like Orton took all the damage by landing back first on the steps and only a bit of Sheamus’ chest landing on the steps) and it was over. But aside from that, another good match. It was definitely (in my estimation) Sheamus’ best match, and if all of his matches were like this, maybe I wouldn’t be so harsh on his work. Truthfully, if every WWE PPV had the quality of matches that this one did, I’d probably not be so down on the company right now.

Side note: CHIKARA has released their latest shows on DVD, so if you haven’t already purchased them, I’d suggest you do so as soon as you finish reading this entry.

Edge defeated Jack Swagger

In a strange impromptu segment/match that also involved Alberto Del Rio, Edge proved that he is the Eric Young of the WWE. The guy has had more turns than a British roundabout. He was a heel last year, turned face as soon as he got injured, then turned heel shortly after his Wrestlemania match with Chris Jericho, and is now a face again during this ridiculous feud with the Raw GM, who I very cleverly deduced last week is none other than GLaDOS, the insane computer from the game Portal. Trust me, it explains everything. Anyway, a surprisingly fun little match with one very scary botch that appeared to be crossed signals: right near the end of the match, it looked as though Swagger was going for a dragon screw leg whip while holding Edge’s left leg while Edge was attempting an enziguiri. Edge landed awkwardly, and Swagger didn’t release Edge’s leg, causing it to twist in two directions simultaneously. Very scary. But I guess Edge is mostly okay, as there were no reports of a serious injury and he walked out of the arena on his own power. Let’s hope he isn’t hurt.

Wade Barrett defeated John Cena

Ah, the first match with an unexpected ending. When the rest of Nexus was discussing their plan that they’d never run by Barrett, I thought that they might end up causing the disqualification in favor of Barrett so that Cena would lose. But that was not to be, as the rest of the locker room poured out and drove off Nexus, while John Cena merely watched and did nothing to Barrett. I mentioned in my picks entry that I felt Cena was over the hill, ring-wise, but he mostly proved me wrong in this match. Now, if only he worked this well in every match. Barrett also finally showed me why everyone else seems so up on him. These two had a very strong match, but unfortunately, there was outside interference and Barrett won. Now, if you don’t want the identities of the two men who caused Cena to lose, TURN AWAY NOW! SPOILER ALERT! It was Husky Harris and Michael “Don’t Call Me Joe Hennig” McGillicutty. I would imagine that with everyone from season 2 of NXT besides Kaval having had no screen time since their season ended a month or so ago and several of them showing real promise (Harris among them), it may be time for Nexus to expand. Putting Harris on the team would provide the team with a fantastic young talent, and while McGillicutty is, somehow, entirely lacking in the promo department, you cannot discount his in-ring ability. They would make fine additions to Nexus while Darren Young is gone and Skip Sheffield is out with an injury. SPOILER ALERT OVER! So, with all that being said, Cena lost and will join Nexus. Though I would imagine he will not be subservient. Don’t be surprised if he does the same thing CM Punk did with the New Breed back in the old new ECW: tearing it apart from the inside. Cena is a cash cow, a money tree, and Vince would be a complete idiot to turn him heel, if only for monetary purposes.

Natalya defeated Michelle McCool via Disqualification; Michelle McCool retains the Unified Divas Championship

In what was becoming a fairly fun match, Layla had to go toss a shoe at Natalya to cause the DQ rather pathetically early. I was just getting into the match, and suddenly it was over. I should have expected as much from LayCool. Now we are treated to more of the utter revulsion their voices cause on a nightly basis. Joy of joys. Not that I was expecting Nattie to win. She is the best women wrestler on WWE programming, and she’s decent on the mic. But when it comes to women, Vince cares not about wrestling ability and all about physical appearance. It’s okay. When the Hart Dynasty gets future endeavored, they can all come work for my imaginary promotion, where everyone gets equal screen time and no one has to deal with Russo-Rific storylines and horrible workers who can’t string two moves together without requiring a 5 minute rest hold in between. Oh, if only I had the money…and the skills to run a business.

Kane defeated The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

Damned Paul Bearer. He screwed me out of a 4-1 record. I knew that something weird was up when he wanted so badly to be inside the cell at the beginning of the match. But I couldn’t have predicted that to happen beforehand, so I just went with it and got screwed in the end. The whole ending spot was also very strange, with the lights going out and the thunder sound effects. Was that supposed to represent the Undertaker’s powers, or the power of the urn, or what exactly? Then Bearer opens the urn and a weird light shines in Taker’s face, which I initially thought had sapped Taker of his strength but apparently just temporarily blinded him, which allowed Kane to hit a chokeslam even after Taker had seemingly retained his sight, picking up the victory. And at the end, the urn is open and the light is shining directly in Kane’s face, yet he isn’t blinded. What the hell? I imagine that many fans at the show don’t have a clue what happened, and they were significantly further away from the action than anyone who watched the show through other means. I hope they try to explain this clusterfuck on Smackdown, because right now none of it makes any sense. Besides that ugliness, the match was pretty good. The deal with a match between these two is that they tell their story through facial expressions rather than big impactful moves and crazy spots. They set things out very carefully, and it pays off. It was a really good match up until the weird ending (seems to be a theme to this show).

So, all in all, I’d actually say that this was a good show, wrestling-wise. Six (mostly) high quality matches and very little backstage or in-ring promo work, which usually bogs down a match with a small card. I could almost recommend spending money to see this show, on DVD of course. Don’t spend $50 or $60 to see it on PPV. That’s just outrageous. If you want to spend $60 on a wrestling show, get CHIKARA’s King of Trios 2010 shows. Three shows, nearly 9 hours of ridiculously high-quality wrestling, and an appearance of Dragon Dragon. Trust me, it’s worth it. I swear, those guys and gals at CHIKARA need to stop having so many amazing shows, because I’m going to go broke buying their DVDs. Seriously, I feel like trying to get onto their roster just so I can have crappy matches and tell people not to buy the DVDs because I work a crappy match on it. They make the rest of the wrestling world look bad.

Okay, enough CHIKARA praise. I’m starting to sound like Michael Cole when The Miz is within 100 feet of the announcers’ table. Stay tuned for more entries in the never-ending battle between good wrestling and matches involving Drew McIntyre. Until next time, stay chill everyone!

I was gearing up to write a fairly long, detailed post this week about NXT and how Vince McMahon is ruining the universe, but I ended up not writing anything, as I had no motivation to do so. Alas. Maybe that will show up sometime in the next couple of weeks. But since it’s time for yet another WWE Pay-Per-View show, I must write a picks entry.

Thanks to some dunderheaded decision-making by WWE executives, we’ve received only two weeks between the last PPV and Hell in a Cell. As a result, there are only five announced matches on the card and virtually no build to any of these matches. This whole show just feels tossed together rather than slowly built up so that the fans actually have invested some emotion in the show. As such, we’re getting one, maybe two matches where the fans will actually care about the outcome. Maybe. Let’s get this over with.

Unified Divas Championship Match – Michelle McCool (c) vs. Natalya

Hmmm…doesn’t this seem familiar? Oh, yes, it’s the exact same match we had a little over two years ago to crown the inaugural Divas Champion. And since the Womens Championship has apparently been retired, never to be seen again, we’re stuck with the hilariously hideous butterfly belt, otherwise known as the Divas Championship. It isn’t as horrifying as the WWE Tag Team Championships, but it’s up there in terms of ugliness. Anyway, it feels like no one will ever derail LayCool, and that saddens me. Michelle McCool finally did something I approved of on Smackdown’s SyFy premiere when she kicked Hornswoggle right in the face, but besides that, she’s been nothing more than annoying over the past few years. With the seemingly inevitable break-up of the Hart Dynasty (why?), Natalya’s chances of ever making an impact on WWE programming are slim to nil, and slim just left the building. It’s a shame, as she’s probably the most talented in-ring woman Vince has in his company. I would much prefer Nattie to win the title just so we don’t have to endure any more of those torturous LayCool promos, backstage segments, and guest commentator spots. But that won’t happen, especially since there are two championship belts. Michelle McCool wins and retains the most pointless championship in the world.

United States Championship Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match – Bryan Danielson (c) vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

Wow, didn’t this match feel completely thrown together at the last minute? (The answer you are looking for is yes) My favorite part of this feud is that Danielson is now using the Ride of the Valkyries as his new entrance theme. It is so completely epic that I instinctively fling my arms up in the air every time it plays. What makes it even more awesome is how much Michael Cole hates it, despite the fact that his broadcast colleague, Jerry Lawler, uses classical music as his entrance theme (Pictures at an Exhibition, to be exact). Hypocrisy, thy name is Cole. But I digress. This whole ugly mess feels like a vehicle to the reunification of Miz and Morrison as a tag team. Morrison’s been growing out his facial hair, which, in the WWE, means that he is evil or about to become evil. Morrison’s career has become stagnant, and Miz is somehow still being pushed despite a lack of in-ring talent. But together, they form a team that could rule the world. Maybe I’m just reading too much into this. Anyway, since it’s a submissions count anywhere, and the only one of the competitors in this match who even bothers to USE submissions is Danielson, I think it’s a pretty easy conclusion to come to that Bryan Danielson wins and retains his United States Championship. I’d love to see Danielson vs. Kaval to unify the US and Intercontinental Championships at some point in the future, but the way Kaval is being buried, I doubt that will ever happen.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett in a Pile of Stipulations Match

If Cena wins, Nexus disbands. If Barrett wins, Cena must join Nexus. Didn’t we see a similar stipulation about two years prior in another company that took its name from a former WWE tag team? Oh, yes, of course, I remember now! TNA did this when Christian was forced to join the Main Event Mafia, but instead got his ass handed to him in order for him to leave the company and resign with WWE. And let’s not forget Rey Mysterio’s feud with the now-defunct Straight Edge Society. These kinds of matches only go one way: the person who would be forced to join an opposing faction if he loses ends up winning. Except for Christian, but that’s because he was leaving the company. Nexus has had a…decent run on Raw, but it’s time to send them packing back to FCW. Justin Gabriel has shown immense promise, so I’d keep him on the main roster, but the rest I’m merely “meh” about or less. Besides, would you bet against John Cena? I wouldn’t. Even though I feel as though his best years in the ring have already passed him by, I can’t bring myself to pick his opponent, whomever he may be. John Cena wins and send Heath Slater back to being the mascot for Wendy’s.

World Heavyweight Championship Hell in a Cell Match – Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer

Bringing Paul Bearer back was probably the markiest moment I’ve had in the nearly five years since I returned to watching WWE in 2006. Sadly, he hasn’t received any mic time, so we haven’t gotten any awesome Bearer promos. But there was likely no way for Undertaker to return to his former glory given the storyline. This should be the main event, but probably won’t be for some reason. This has definitely been WWE’s best feud of the year, and it makes picking the winner that much more difficult. Which is actually a good sign that the feud is strong. I don’t believe this feud is over just yet, but I do think that with Paul Bearer in the fold and Taker seemingly back to 100%, we may see a title change. I’ll go ahead and pick The Undertaker to win and begin his eighth World Title reign. This will probably be the best match of the night, so I hope they don’t start the show with it like they did with Taker’s match last year. I hope this next match starts the show.

WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match – Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus

I was watching Deal or No Deal yesterday (because I have no life), and they had Rick Achberger, better known as The Sign Guy, competing for money, and Randy Orton was one of the surprise guest stars during the show (the others were Edge, John Cena, and Bobby Lashley). The show was from 2007, before Wrestlemania, and what surprised me most is how sane Orton looked. Yes, the entire point of those last few sentences was to mention how awful Randy Orton looks nowadays. He may have seemingly had a lack of scruples back then, but at least he looked like a normal guy. Now he just looks creepy. I still haven’t figured out why he’s so popular right now, but at least he’s a better champion than Sheamus. Hopefully this match will end the feud and (I pray) let somebody new and exciting into the main event. And I’m not talking about The Miz. I don’t particularly like Orton as champion, but for this match, I’ll pick Randy Orton to win and retain the WWE Championship.

So that’s Hell in a Cell. I’d expect at least one extra match since five matches is not enough for a card on a PPV event. Unless they’re all really good matches, which I’m not really expecting. Check back in in a couple of days for Hell in a Cell results, and soon I’ll be writing a diatribe directed towards Vince McMahon. Until then, stay cool everyone!