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Monthly Archives: September 2010

I agree, Mr. Sheik. This show was FAKING BULLSHEHT.

Okay, really just the last hour. But it completely overshadowed the previous hour and forty-five minutes, and ruined what to that point had been a pretty decent PPV. Let’s look at the slow burn to disaster that is Night of Champions.

Dolph Ziggler defeated Kofi Kingston to retain the Intercontinental Championship

They picked a good’un to start the PPV. The only really disappointing part of this match was about two minutes in, when Vickie Guerrero sent Kaitlyn out of the arena. In terms of character, Kaitlyn is my favorite competitor on NXT (which reminds me, I REALLY need to talk about NXT soon, before it gets canceled, which it will). And it doesn’t hurt that she’s ridiculously easy on the eyes. I’ll go ahead and stop being a sexist pig now. Lots of back and forth action, and a great build to the finish, with it seeming like Vickie was going to screw up Dolph’s chances, only for him to apparently be faking his anger and dropping Kofi with the Zig Zag to earn the pinfall victory. This match solidified Ziggler’s Intercontinental Championship reign, and will hopefully tie up any loose ends Kofi has in the mid-card so he can FINALLY move up to the main event in the next couple of months. Good opener.

The Big Show defeated CM Punk

Anyone who watched this match knows that it obviously did not go as planned. Big Show’s ribs were probably injured after Punk hit a slingshot somersault senton from inside the ring to a prone Show on the floor outside the ring. The match went about two minutes after that, and Show hit a Knockout Punch to abruptly end the match. I have no idea if this was the planned finish, but I find it tough to believe it after Punk’s promo and my picking him to win the match. But that’s how it goes with legitimate injuries: a match has to end quickly or you risk further injury. I applaud Show for trying his best to finish the match with a rib injury. Had he not gotten hurt, I bet this would have definitely gone on longer. It’s okay, though. It was still a decent four minute match.

Daniel Bryan Danielson defeated The Miz to become the NEW United States Champion!

This was the one match on the card I was praying I had picked incorrectly, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. I had honestly thought that they would battle again at Hell in a Cell, where Danielson would win the US Title, Miz would become nearly inconsolable, only to wait until the Raw Hell in a Cell match to jump out from nowhere, trip, fall head-first onto his briefcase, and get pinned by the WWE Champion to become the first man to NOT win a title after cashing in the Money in the Bank Briefcase. But it’s okay, because Bryan Danielson is now a Champion in WWE! Man, I did not expect to say that in 2010. It makes me so happy to see Vince finally give the fans (and the internet) something they actually want instead of something he THINKS we want. If I were to grade the matches on this PPV by how much I wanted a specific outcome, this would have been the match of the night. Hell, it was actually the second-best match of the night. Danielson can really work well with anyone, and he brought out the best in The Miz. I just wish Michael Cole would stop rationalizing Miz’s loss by making up idiotic excuses like, “Oh, Miz tripped and that allowed Bryan to slap on the LeBell Lock!” We get it, you’re trying to be a heel. But it doesn’t work when you’re a heel against one guy. It’s just irritating.

Speaking of Cole (I know I’m getting off track), how awesome is it that he’s leaving NXT? Sure, Vince is trying to destroy the show by having Cole constantly make fun of the entire show, but I still am happy that we’ll get a new play-by-play man to complement Josh Matthews. Can we see the return of Byron Saxton?

Also, props to Matt Striker for being in perfect Smark form during the show, informing the public of the origins of the LeBell Lock. Thank you, sir. Your talent is wasted on Smackdown, where you are censored and edited to the nth degree.

Michelle McCool defeated Melina in a Lumberjill Match to become the Unified Women’s Champion

God I hope WWE doesn’t call this the Unified Diva’s Championship, or just the Diva’s Championship. It says that on WWE.com, but I pray they call it the Women’s Championship still. Calling it the Diva’s Championship just shows us once again how Vince McMahon apparently feels about women. You thought I was a misogynist earlier? Vince is about a thousand times worse. Why in the hell would you have the Lumberjills dress up, some in semi-formal attire, for a match? You don’t see men in a Lumberjack match dressed in tuxedos (except the Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon match at WM 26, but that shouldn’t count), so why have the women in high heels and dresses? At least have them dressed like they’re ready to compete. It isn’t like they’re any less lady-like when they have wrestling boots and shorts on instead of high heels and a miniskirt. It just looks silly. Anyway, the match was okay, but nothing special. And apparently the rift we saw on Smackdown between Michelle and Layla dissolved in a matter of seconds, as they were hugging and jumping up and down, celebrating Michelle’s victory, which she should never have had in the first place since Layla was the official Women’s Champion. That storyline still bothers me. Now we’ll probably get even more screen time wasted with LayCool’s utterly pointless promos. Not as pointless as the Teddy Long/Hornswoggle segments (doesn’t Teddy have a show to run?), but pretty pointless nonetheless.

Kane defeated The Undertaker to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

I’ll put it out there right now: Match of the Night for the Feud of the Year. This match wasn’t about doing the coolest moves or going sixteen straight hours, it was about emotion and internal strife. And these two pulled it off as well as anyone could. While it wasn’t quite as emotional as, say, Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair at WM 24, it was still fantastic in terms of character. Plus, Undertaker’s selling was top-notch again. These two didn’t have a wrestling match, they had a knock-down, drag-out fight. A brawl. And I was entertained from bell to bell. However, I do not believe this is the end. You cannot properly end a feud like this without a Hell in a Cell match. So you’d better book your seat on the couch, because in two weeks, be ready for the epic end to an amazing feud. I cannot wait.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre won a Tag Team Turmoil Match to become the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions

Here is where the show went to hell. I was okay with Tag Team Turmoil, though I would have been more interested if it was a four-team Tornado-style elimination match without the utterly random and pointless team of Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Really? How did you come up with that pairing, Creative? You couldn’t, say, use Christian and MVP? Or John Morrison and R-Truth (Morrison had a dark match, so this selection is likely unreasonable)? I was okay with putting The Usos in there. I was not okay with Santino and Vlad Kozlov. They’ve done nothing but beat the Usos a couple of times on Superstars. Why not put the Dudebusters in there? Or Hawkins and Archer? Teams that are actually somewhat established? And also, WHY IN THE BLUE HELL WOULD YOU TAKE THE TAG TITLES OFF OF THE HART DYNASTY? What, did one of them piss you off somehow and you decided to retaliate by putting the titles on an undeserving lout like Drew McIntyre? Cody Rhodes I’m fine with, but he should be working up to an Intercontinental Title run, not be a Tag Team Champion. He’s done that three times already. I am so very angry and disappointed that the Hart Dynasty lost the titles so soon. It really sealed the deal for me that Vince truly does not give a shit about tag teams in his company. “Instead of keeping the titles on an established, well-liked team, let’s put the titles on two completely random names we drew from a hat and decided for no good reason to pair up, even though they’re both working in the singles division and have nothing in common besides being vaguely similar in age.” I’m betting that’s how the meeting went when they chose to put the Tag Team Titles on Rhodes and McIntyre. Thanks, Vince. You’ve ruined tag team wrestling. Now I have to go to CHIKARA exclusively for good tag team action.

Randy Orton defeated Sheamus, John Cena, Edge, Chris Jericho, and Wade Barrett to become the NEW WWE Champion

As bad as the Tag Team Turmoil match was, it didn’t hold a candle to this atrocity. Chris Jericho gets pinned not two minutes into the match, then the match stops for two more minutes while Jericho makes the slow walk up the ramp for the last time (or at least until he’s tired of touring with Fozzy). That was an abomination unto itself, eliminating Jericho so quickly. After some more time in which nothing of note happens, Edge, Cena, and Barrett are eliminated in succession, leaving Sheamus and Mr. Push-a-Lot. Sheamus hits the Bicycle Kick, Orton kicks out, Orton hits the RKO, new champion. Whoop de freaking do. It is no secret that I do not like Randy Orton. I do not understand why he is so over as a face. And I simply do not enjoy the fact that, no matter what happens, he ALWAYS comes out on top. He’s been in the main event so long, I’ve grown bored with his character. He just is not that interesting. Even Sheamus has a strange appearance, but that’s somewhat interesting. Randy Orton is dull. I could not care less about the WWE Championship when Orton is champion. I am certainly not looking forward to Miz taking the title away from Orton, either. Honestly, I expected Miz to cash in the Money in the Bank Briefcase at the PPV (seeing as how the show went on for five minutes after Orton made the final pinfall), but that was not to happen. We just get Orton celebrating on camera for FIVE GODDAMNED MINUTES. I don’t think The Undertaker got that much celebration time when he defeated Edge at the end of Wrestlemania 24. Yeesh.

So WWE is going to hell yet again, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Our only hope is that Daniel Bryan Danielson rises up the ranks quickly and wrests the WWE Championship from whatever boring persona holds the title. And that Kaval makes his way up the Smackdown roster and gains control of the World Heavyweight Championship. But now I’m delusional.

Okay, that’s enough focused rage for now. I’ll actually be back later this week with some NXT comments, and stay tuned for my ultimate roster’s first show. It’s an epic show, if I do say so myself. So, until then, stay fine and dandy everyone!

Admittedly, this episode of Rantables was going to be the card for my epic roster’s first ever show, but I got really lazy/sidetracked by other projects, so that will be posted at a later date. With that said, let’s do picks for Night of Champions.

This show has had about the best total build across all matches as I’ve seen in a while. Every match has had time every week to build a little more on the story so far, and that’s something that WWE programming has been sorely lacking over the past while. What makes it so great is that it actually makes picking winners a challenge instead of one choice being incredibly obvious. It’s refreshing. With that said, let’s go to the card.

CM Punk vs. The Big Show

Ah, the Special Attraction non-title match, the first in Night of Champions history. Punk and Show have had a fun feud that’s managed to keep both guys over throughout. With the dissolution of the Straight Edge Society, Punk appears to be ready to fly solo once again. I honestly thought he was better that way. Show has been getting over like crazy thanks to his jolly antics and overall pleasant demeanor since moving to Smackdown. I enjoy his promos thoroughly. Punk is also stellar on the mic. Show won the last match against Punk in that 3-on-1 Handicap match at SUmmerslam, so it stands to reason that Punk will win this one. But picking against The Big Show is always difficult, since it’s difficult to picture ways in which he can legitimately lose a match. Punk can’t use the GTS on Show, and locking on the Anaconda Vice may be next to impossible. However, Punk has managed to pull off some crazy wins against bigger men, and I would bet that he’s going to use every part of the ring to his advantage. I’m picking CM Punk to win in what I would consider an upset. But this feud isn’t done yet.

Women’s and Diva’s Title Unification Lumberjill match – Melina (Diva’s Champion) vs. Michelle McCool (Women’s Champion)

Aside from the Tag Team Titles match that still hasn’t been booked as of my writing this very sentence, this match has had the least build up of the entire card. Still, it hasn’t been as awful as most of LayCool’s programs in recent months. The latest twist came last night on Smackdown, when Michelle rigged a game of chance so that she would be the half of LayCool to defend the Women’s Championship (and, I would think, become the unified Women’s Champion if she succeeds). This likely means the end of LayCool as we know it. Now, the question on my mind is this: will Layla betray Michelle and help Melina win the unified Women’s Championship, or will her plans backfire and Michelle win anyway? Technically, Michelle should never have been a part of this match, but the story played out that way. On an unrelated note, I really hope that Kaval ends his association with LayCool very soon, since there is no reason he needs to be hanging around them anymore. He has his guaranteed title shot and a spot on the Smackdown roster, so why is he still associating with the tie-for-third-most annoying personalities on WWE programming? I hope he kicks both of their heads in and goes out on his own. Of course, I’ve been hoping for that to happen since the first week he was on NXT…but I’ve gone on this tangent long enough. Michelle would be the more solid choice, as Melina is rather oft injured, which leaves the company scrambling for a replacement. On the other hand, if Michelle wins, we’ll never hear the end of it. The X Factor, of course, will be the ladies surrounding the ring. Whether they end up screwing Michelle out of the title remains to be seen. I think it will cost Michelle in the end, and Melina wins to become the NEW Unified Women’s Champion.

Tag Team Championship Match – The Hart Dynasty (c’s) vs. ???

It really isn’t going to matter who their opponents are, The Hart Dynasty will win and retain the Tag Team Championships. Unless they’re going to face Alberto Del Rio in some manner. WWE seems way too intent on pushing him up the ladder way too quickly. Even the best in the world had to work his way up from the bottom.

Intercontinental Championship Match – Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston

If Dolph gets disqualified or counted out, he will lose the Intercontinental Championship. Usually, when this type of stipulation is placed on a match, the champion will end up retaining the title. And I would not doubt that WWE is going to stray from tradition this time, either. Kofi has talked a big talk since returning to Smackdown, but he’s barely done anything to live up to his massive potential. Though that’s Creative’s fault for not pushing him up to the main event 9 months ago after his feud with Randy Orton. Maybe this time, they’ll push Kofi up. That being said, this should be a pretty good match despite Vickie Guerrero’s attempts to ruin it by existing. Dolph Ziggler wins and retains the Intercontinental Championship.

United States Championship Match – The Miz (c) vs. Bryan Danielson

Every fiber of my being wants Danielson to take the title away from Miz. Nobody deserves a push in WWE as much as Danielson does. But my gut tells me otherwise. This feud can’t end yet. It’s just getting started, really. With the addition of Alex Riley, AKA The Miz 2.0, it’s getting interesting. I’m not a bigl supporter of Miz or Riley, but at least they can talk most WWE wrestlers under the table. Danielson WILL win the US Championship, for sure. Just not on Sunday. It pains me to write this, but The Miz wins and retains the US Championship…for the moment.

World Heavyweight Championships No Holds Barred Match – Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker

Unless something amazing happens in the next two and a half months, this is my pick for feud of the year. Kane’s promos have been, by far, the best of his career, and the best in the company the past couple of months. I often forget that he’s talking about wrestling when he’s talking. It feels more like this story could fit into a graphic novel or a TV miniseries instead of WWE programming. And as good as Kane has been on the mic, Taker has been just as good at selling his time away. All the younger guys should take note: Taker’s performance is how good you should sell everything. It’s actually believable. Yes, Taker has 20 years of experience, but the earlier you learn to sell well, the better your career and fan following will be. If Taker’s sell of his injuries wasn’t so good, I would have a severely difficult time picking this match. Hell, even so, it’s still a difficult choice. I don’t believe this feud is quite done yet. With Hell in a Cell looming (pun oh so deliciously intended), what better way to finally close out this 13-year-long feud than with a Hell in a Cell match? Answer: there is no better way. Kane wins and retains the World Heavyweight Championship.

WWE Championship Six Pack Challenge Elimination Match – Sheamus (c) vs. John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

I think we’re going to have to get used to not seeing Chris Jericho on WWE programming after Sunday night, because there’s no way he’s going to win the WWE Championship. We can also count Edge out, as he’s been in the background most of the length of this build. Cena’s out, as he’s actually becoming a little stale in my eyes, and he’s better as the hunter, not the hunted. And Wade Barrett will probably get a title run later down the line. So that brings us to the current champ and the guy who’s gotten such a ridiculously huge push the past month that it’s actually kind of annoying to watch. Orton is getting the Alberto Del Rio Push, only ten times more so. It’s downright wacky how hard Creative is pushing him. I’m mostly complaining because I’m not a Randy Orton fan. With such a monster push, it would be difficult to pick against Orton. But I have a feeling that Sheamus will somehow pull off the victory, only to have another certain Hunter interrupt his celebration. Sheamus wins to retain the WWE Championship.

I need to write up another one of my sampler episodes to cover all of the stuff I’ve not written about over the past…jeez, I guess it’s been almost three weeks. I’ll get on that after Night of Champions. Until then, stay crispy, everyone!