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Since I want to make my 100th post special, I’m merging my Summerslam picks and results into a two-part post. I can do that. It’s my site, after all.

It’s been about ten days since last I wrote anything at all here, and even longer since I wrote something of substance. A lot has happened since then. I’d like to address the death of Lance Cade before I move on. Cade’s story is yet another example of the wrestler who was overworked, got addicted to painkillers, and ultimately lost his life far too early. Cade was 29. That’s entering a very uncomfortable age for death. You just don’t expect someone to die at 29 of heart failure. But an addiction to painkillers will do that. It’s a very sad moment, and I wish his family well.

I’d also like to briefly discuss the last couple of weeks of NXT. After Eli Cottonwood was (thankfully) eliminated a couple of weeks ago, we had what I would have to consider the worst segment in the last five years. The “kissing contest” was an utter debacle, and an embarrassing moment for all parties involved. You had the six remaining rookies being forced to kiss an overweight, unattractive woman with what appeared to be herpes right on her mouth (it was probably make-up, but still…). The only person who got even slightly lucky was Low Ki, who got a kiss from Layla before having to kiss the hideous monstrosity known as Marguerite. Also, during this segment, I lost all respect for Joe Hennig thanks to his licking Marguerite all over her face. It was beyond disgusting. And this segment went on for nearly TWENTY MINUTES! Fully a third of the entire episode was dedicated to this nightmare. It drove me to the brink of quitting watching WWE programming altogether (and I very nearly did thanks to a match on Smackdown a few days later). We then had some arbitrary matches that could have used about five minutes extra each, which would have been easily provided had they not done that horrendous kissing contest segment. Then, this week, we have a pretty good six-man tag match, another Miz vs. Morrison match, and Lucky Cannon was thankfully eliminated from the competition. What I don’t understand is this: why can’t we have more good matches like the six-man match we got this past Tuesday? There is no reason whatsoever not to showcase the talent that these men have. How are we supposed to gain any sort of idea as to how well they’ll perform on Raw or Smackdown when all we’re given is a three-minute rush job of a match every week? I would much prefer to see two or three quality matches every week that take up 50 minutes of air time (entrances and exits included), and the last 10 minutes of the show dedicated to the pros talking about the matches. Simple formula, and it would be a hell of a lot more entertaining than the idiotic challenges these guys have to go through every week.

Not that it’s going to matter too much, since it seems like WWE wants to end this season of NXT as quickly as possible, so they can get a third season of NXT out and done before Smackdown moves to SyFy in October. So there will be two eliminations next week. Who’s going home this time? I’m betting it’ll be Alex Riley and Percy Watson. Why? Well, Riley’s a heel, and nobody votes for the heels. Also, I’ve yet to see any sort of good in-ring work out of Riley. He’s basically the same character as The Miz, only with a football flair to him. All talk, no skill to back it up. Watson has been slipping down the ranks ever since the first poll, and I think the fans are growing tired of him. Lucky Cannon was getting tremendous amounts of X-Pac heat, which is why he was voted off, I’m sure. The crowd does not enjoy being pandered to, sir. It makes you seem pathetic. Anyway, I think the last three will be Low Ki, Joe Hennig, and Husky Harris/Duke Rotunda. Rotunda has been gaining tons of momentum, and looks more and more like he could be a great new face for the company. Hennig has all the in-ring tools, but needs to work on his talking. And Low Ki/Kaval is just plain awesome. I think that with the fan voting actually mattering (supposedly), that Low Ki will end up winning this competition, which I’m sure Vince won’t be too thrilled about. But it’s going to happen. If you give the fans a voice, then the IWC smarks will come out of the woodwork and help their favorite guys along to victory. I do every week. I always vote for Kaval.

Now, before I move on to picks, I’d like to talk very briefly about the Intercontinental Championship match on Smackdown eight days ago. More specifically, about how the referees are apparently not bothering the read the rules before calling a match. When someone not involved in the match gets on the ring apron, his first job is to clear said person off the apron. And if someone enters the ring and starts yelling at the ref, he has the ability to toss said person out or even call the match a no-contest. And if said person is still on or in the ring when a pin is made, the first priority is clearning said person off the ring. None of that happened during the Kofi Kingston/Dolph Ziggler match last week. This is what made me seriously consider quitting WWE programming altogether. I had a speech all worked up about how Summerslam would be the last WWE show I watched, simply because I wanted to get that done so I could watch promotions that weren’t run by complete idiots. But I had a change of heart, and I’ll continue watching, if only to keep you, the reader, entertained with my endless ranting about how stupid WWE is and how awesome indy promotions are (Chikara! Woo!). Anyway, it was a foolish move by the referee, and I think that they all need to take a refresher course in the rules. Also, how obvious is it that both the United States and Intercontinental championships have become Television championships? Sure, the IC Title is being defended at Summerslam, but the last six US Title changes have all been on Raw, and the IC Title was basically being passed around with complete disregard on Raw back in 2008. Whatever. The titles have no prestige left.

Okay, now that I’ve spent 1100 words talking about subjects not related to the title of this post, let’s get started with Summerslam picks!

Women’s Championship – Layla (c) vs. Tiffany

I don’t think this match is going to happen, as Tiffany has been suspended because of an incident at a San Jose hotel involving her husband, Drew McIntyre. Yeah, who didn’t see this coming? Anyway, this probably won’t take place, but thanks to the idiotic storyline with the perfectly split-in-half Women’s Championship, I doubt anyone is going to take this away from LayCool for a while.

Diva’s Championship – Alicia Fox (c) vs. Melina

While I am happy to see Melina back, she looks a little worse for wear. I hate to be so crude, but it’s just my opinion. She’s actually starting to look a little like Chyna, at least in the facial area. This is unfortunate. Anyway, Alicia has been a decent placeholder for this pointless title, but Melina is here to take the title back. Melina wins and becomes the NEW Diva’s Champion!

3-on-1 Handicap Match – The Straight Edge Society (CM Punk, Luke Gallows, Joseph Mercury) vs. The Big Show

Apparently, despite a broken hand, Show is perfectly capable of chokeslamming people and punching their heads off. Ah, well. If the SES wants to stay together at all, they need to win this match. We’ve seen the group starting to splinter, and this would be awful for Gallows and Mercury, as they need this group in order to keep their heads above the deadly waters of the WWE. Mercury looks like a weird alien with his head shaved, and I think he needs to grow his hair out in order to be taken seriously by anybody. Gallows is basically on borrowed time, and unless he makes a huge impact in the next few weeks, he may be gone from the company. Punk will be fine, as will Serena. And Show can take a loss right now, as he’s moved from the main event back to the mid-card. With Punk’s arm healed, I think this match is a lock. The Straight Edge Society wins, and destroys the Big Show in the process.

Intercontinental Championship – Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston

You’ve heard my thoughts on the ugliness that was the title change last week on Smackdown. I honestly don’t think Ziggler needs a heat magnet like Vickie Guerrero by his side. I think he can create enough heat by himself if he was ever given promo time. He got tons of heat as Nicky on the Spirit Squad, but that was mostly because people hated the gimmick. I kind of loved it, but that was just me, I guess. Anyway, Ziggler just won the title, and Kofi is finally showing that rage that he showed last year in his feud with Randy Orton. Oh, I need to address something very quickly: to Todd Grisham, please stop being a complete moron and try to remember things that happened more than six months ago, Love, Rantables. Seriously, he keeps referring to Kofi’s rage as “The first time we’ve ever seen Kofi like this!” Does no one remember Kofi vs. Orton? I do. It’s why I keep picking Kofi to win matches like the Royal Rumble and Money in the Bank. He’s shown that he can move up to the main event easily, but thanks to Mr. Push-Stopper himself, Randy Orton, Kingston was prevented from moving up the ladder. Incidentally, the same thing happened to Ziggler last year, when Rey Mysterio apparently refused to drop the Intercontinental Title to Ziggler for some reason. Well, I think this will be Kofi’s graduation from mid-card hell to the main event. Dolph Ziggler wins and retains the Intercontinental Championship, but Kofi ends up looking better and moves to the main event.

World Heavyweight Championship – Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio

Kane’s character has been fantastic over the last month. Though it’s tough at times to remember that he’s talking about wrestling. If his character was in, say, a movie, I’d be much more interested. He cuts a very dramatic promo, but the drama is shattered when he starts talking about wrestling. It’s weird. Anyway, Rey had his three week title run, and it’s time to let somebody else move up to the main event (see previous match). Kane has all the momentum, which normally spells disaster for the champion, but in this case, I think it will lead up to an Undertaker vs. Kane match at some point. Should be pretty epic. Anyway, Kane wins and retains the World Heavyweight Championship.

WWE Championship – Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton

Snore. We already had this match six months ago at the Royal Rumble. Sheamus is still boring, and I still don’t like Orton. I’ve never liked him. Not his character, and not the person. But I’d rather have Orton as champion than Sheamus. It’s the lesser of two evils right now. Sheamus is a horrendous wrestler, and a travesty of a champion. He needs to go away as soon as possible. But we know that Vince gets an erection around bodybuilders, and Sheamus has that porcelain Irish skin that Vince apparently loves so much, so he’ll be around for a while yet, unfortunately. Still, it would be better for the fans if Orton won, as Sheamus is intolerable. Randy Orton wins to become the NEW WWE Champion. Though I’d much prefer somebody else as the champion…

7-on-7 Tag Team Elimination Match – Team WWE (John Cena, Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, R-Truth, Bret Hart, and ???) vs. The Nexus (Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield, and Darren Young)

We’re getting teased that The Miz is going to be the 7th member of Team WWE, but I’m almost 100% sure that this won’t happen. You know what I think WILL happen, though? Miz refuses to join Team WWE, and John Cena says that it’s fine, because he knew Miz would refuse, so he went out and found a suitable replacement…

Bryan Danielson.

Yes, you heard me right. Danielson will make his return to WWE at Summerslam. I think it’s going to be the same sort of deal that Matt Hardy had back in 2005, where he’ll still get to work his indy dates but show up on Raw every once in a while to wreak havoc on the roster. Danielson will arrive at Summerslam and proceed to destroy the Nexus, as payback for them “destroying” him and putting him out of the company. With this seventh member, I think it’s a complete lock that Team WWE wins, brings some order back to Raw, and sends several of the Nexus back to FCW.

If Danielson is not the seventh member of Team WWE, I have no idea what will happen. It certainly won’t be as entertaining, in my eyes.

So that’s it for me for now. I’ll be back in a couple of days with Summerslam results. And stay tuned for my epic 100th post spectacular! It’s going to be a doozy, so stay tuned! Also, prepare for more DVD reviews. I purchased the two most recent Chikara shows, and I’m nearly finished with the most recent one, Chikarasaurus Rex. So I’ll probably start reviewing those shows as a nice alternative to the constant lambasting of WWE. Give this blog some positivity. So, until next time, stay awesome everyone!

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