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As per normal, I apologize for a lack of updates.  It isn’t as though nothing’s going on.  It’s more that I sometimes have little motivation to write.  So I vow that from here on out, I will commit myself to at least one column per week.  Even if it’s recaps of the week’s shows, I’ll write.

Now, with that out of the way, let’s talk about the giant shitstorm known as Smackdown.  And, probably, the smaller yet still quite noticeable shitstorm known as NXT.  Let’s start with SD, shall we?

One week ago, Drew McIntyre was fired for continued assaults on Matt Hardy.  People were speculating if this was a Wellness Policy violation or something worse.  Turns out it was just another way to grab some cheap heat for the most boring Intercontinental Champion of all time (I’m pretty sure).  After Kofi Kingston and Christian have a fantastic back-and-forth match that ends with Kofi winning and starting his second Intercontinental Championship reign, we get Drew sauntering down to the ring, handing Teddy Long a note, and taking his title back.  Yes, as I’m sure everyone had expected, Vince McMahon (kayfabe) bailed out McIntyre once again.  So Drew’s not fired and, I suppose, technically never lose the IC Title.  And as a result, we’re getting Kingston vs. McIntyre at Over the Limit.  What I’d like to know is this: why in the hell is Christian not involved in this match?  Yes, he lost to Kofi, but inserting Christian into this match will take it from another McIntyre snooze-fest into a legitimately entertaining match.  With Christian in the match, it’s unpredictable as to the outcome, but if it’s just Drew and Kofi, McIntyre has no chance of losing the title.  As long as he has HHH’s endorsement, he’ll basically be pushed to the top faster than you can say “He doesn’t deserve a World Championship!”  Which kind of begs the question, what is Creative going to do with Jack Swagger when they decide that it’s McIntyre’s turn atop the Smackdown roster?  Cluster-bomb.

Now, let’s look at the complete dissolution of the women’s division, or what was left of it.  Beth Phoenix gets injured last week in a match with Rosa Botch-des, and drops the title this week.  She managed to wrestle a halfway decent mach despite a torn ACL, which I have to give her nothing but props for doing.  And since there are all of six women wrestling on Smackdown, the list of potential challengers is pathetically small.  This is why there should be one women’s championship and not two, but I’m getting off topic.  You have three heels Beth can drop the title to.  Rosa is a lost cause, and all that’s left are Michelle McCool and Layla.  So what does Creative do?  Give Layla the title!  Oh, dear lord no!  I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say this is the worst title change since I started watching wrestling again in 2006.  Worse than Jack Swagger’s two championship reigns, worse than Sheamus’ reign, and yes, worse than Khali’s reign back in…what was it…2007 or 2008?  It doesn’t matter.  The women’s division is dead.  There’s no way to bring it back.  We might as well just unify the two championships and then retire them and never have women wrestle on WWE programming again.  Cluster-bomb.

And I’d prefer not to get started on the commentating team, but I have to, since this is the cluster-bomb issue of Rantables.  Todd Grisham is almost as bad as Mike Adamle was.  I cannot stand how idiotic he sounds all the time.  It’s like he went to the Michael Cole School for Shitty Play-By-Play Announcers.  And Matt Striker is intolerable.  We get it, you’re a heel color commentator, stop yelling at us about it.  Back when WWE had good color commentators like Jesse Ventura, Bobby Heenan, and, hell, I’ll put JBL in that category, they were true masters of their craft.  They were also obviously heel color men, but at least they were entertaining about it.  Striker’s just bland.  And his relentless pop-culture and “vintage” wrestling statements remind me of Seth McFarlane.  I cannot stand Seth McFarlane for those of you who do not know.  It’s painful to listen to.  I’ve resorted to eating large quantities of very loud, crunchy foodstuffs while watching Smackdown because I hate the commentating team so very much.

The one redeeming quality that we’ve received over the past while has been the reemergence of a face Big Show.  Say what you will about his in-ring skill (or lack thereof), but as a face, Show is one of the funniest guys in the company.  He also made a Jack Swagger segment entertaining, which is something we all know Swagger cannot accomplish to save his life.  Watching Show destroy ever trophy Swagger has allegedly won in his lifetime was probably the most enjoyable segment on Smackdown I’ve seen in quite some time.  And even though Swagger was corpsing throughout the segment (that’s when someone is smiling during a scene where they should be sad/angry), I loved watching Show break every single thing in the ring.  It was glorious.  I honestly believe that when (not if) Teddy Long gets fired from Smackdown for his treatment of the new Mr. Perfect, Drew McIntyre, that Show could step in as the new GM and be just as fun as Teddy was.  And nobody would question Show’s decisions because he’s a goddamned GIANT.  I would enjoy it.

Okay, let’s discuss NXT for a very brief moment or two.  I know that a lot of people are mad about Daniel Bryan Danielson being eliminated from NXT, but I’m looking at this in a positive light.  If you didn’t see his exit promo from NXT last week, here it is.  It was one of the best promos I’ve ever seen, and I’m betting that with his elimination from NXT, Bryan Danielson will be appearing on Raw or Smackdown in the very, very near future.  I think Creative didn’t want to wait another five weeks to have him challenging Miz for the US Title, since that’s what everyone in the IWC was predicting would happen anyway.  I think that they’re going to push him into this feud right away.  And he goddamn well deserves it, too.  I cannot wait to see the American Dragon on Raw, kicking people’s heads in.

As for the other two eliminations, I am not one bit surprised.  It’s like WWE is trying to kill NXT off already.  Before Danielson’s promo last week, I would have said that Michael Tarver had had the most character development during the show.  He went from a complete non-entity to a vicious, ravenous competitor who isn’t afraid to beat the shit out of everyone just to get what he wants.  And he wasn’t going to play games and compete in any silly reality show challenges to get what he wanted.  I like that.  He evolved over the course of the show, unlike most of the rest of the competition.  I am unsure if this will translate into a spot on Raw or Smackdown, but at least he showed that he had a personality.  And as for Skip Sheffield’s elimination, I was also not surprised.  Sheffield has had almost no time to show his in-ring skills, but he’s damn good on the mic.  Judging from his physique, I’ll bet he lands a spot on one of the other shows thanks to Vince’s fetish for bodybuilders.

So who’s leaving NXT next?  I would bet that the eliminations will go thusly: next week will be Darren Young, then Heath Slater, then Wade Barrett, and Justin Gabriel is the last elimination, giving David Otunga the win he so rightrully doesn’t deserve.  Or maybe Otunga and Barrett will swap places and Barrett will win.  I honestly have no idea.  But it’s fun to speculate.

Well, that about does it for me for now.  I’m planning to write a piece about the (hopeful) resurgence of the tag team division in WWE, as well as provide picks for Over the Limit.  I’ll really try to keep this updated once a week at least, so keep your eyes peeled for new episodes of Rantables.  Until next time, stay awesome.


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