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First, a quick note about the passing of Chris Kanyon.  While I never saw him wrestle, it’s always sad to hear about a wrestler who passed away at 40 or younger.  RIP Kanyon.

Okay, so now that I’ve had a week to digest the results of the biggest wrestling show of the year, as well as the initial fallout, I think it’s about time for me to give my two cents on the whole situation.  I guess each cent is worth a thousand words or more.  Let’s go to the results, shall we?

ShowMiz defeats MorTruth to retain the Unified Tag Team Championships

I had figured either this or Money in the Bank would open the show.  This match suffered from Creative putting ten matches on the card.  Three and a half minutes is a tragedy for a tag title match, especially with these two teams.  Yes, MorTruth is basically another throwaway team like MVP and Mark Henry and most of the teams JeriShow faced during their title run, but still, they should at least have gotten as much, if not more, time as the 10 Diva tag match.  Once Morrison got tagged in about two minutes in, I was already figuring that the match was almost over.  Then Show punched Morrison in the face, and it was done.  Not a bad match, but it definitely could have gone on for at least another five minutes.  I predictable end.  Doesn’t really matter much, since it’s pretty obvious that The Hart Dynasty is the next big team, thanks to what happened later in the card.

Randy Orton defeats Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase in a Triple Threat Match

Rhodes gets punted, Dibiase gets RKO’ed, and that’s the end of that.  It was fairly obvious (to me, at least) that during Legacy’s final promo as a team on Raw the Monday before Wrestlemania, they were going to end up turning on each other.  And they did.  Which gave Orton the opportunity to go over even more young talents.  No surprises there.  It was a decent match, but nothing special.  With Rhodes out for now, it looks like we might get Orton vs. Dibiase, only with the roles reversed from what we all were expecting four months ago (Dibiase turning face to promote The Marine 2 and all that).

Sidenote: I still can’t see why people cheer for Orton.  His demeanor is still extremely far from what I would consider a face.  Though I did kind of mark out on Monday night when John Cena named Orton his partner for the tag match against Batista and Jack Swagger.  I guess they’re really going to push Orton as a face, but as a “dangerous” face.  Or like a loner face.  Haven’t seen one of those in a while.

Jack Swagger wins Money in the Bank

This I was not expecting.  A couple of months ago, it seemed like Swagger’s WWE career was circling the drain and he was on his way out.  Now, apparently, he’s the next Sheamus.  As far as the match went, it wasn’t actually that great of a match considering the talent involved.  You would expect a ladder match with guys like Christian, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, and Shelton Benjamin to be a crazy-ass spot-fest, but it was actually pretty tame compared to the other years.  I suppose Vince is trying to keep his guys as injury-free as possible.  Either that, or they just didn’t have it like they did in years past.

And now, another sidebar: I was really looking forward to Swagger doing his hit-and-run attacks on Cena over the coming weeks.  I actually really liked his first segment with Cena, where he cracked Cena in the back with the briefcase several times, called for a ref, and almost started the title match when Cena hulked up and almost screwed Swagger.  I found that immensely entertaining.  But then Swagger goes and takes the title away from Chris Jericho, in exactly the same way that CM Punk did against Edge in 2008.  Jericho cut a promo about how he’s still the champion, Edge comes down to the ring, spears Jericho, and Swagger runs down and takes the title.  Now, I know that Money in the Bank should be used at the most opportune moment, but doing it exactly the same way as you did two years ago is kind of weak.  In fact, aside from Rob Van Dam’s cash-in, MITB has been settled one of two ways: either the aforementioned way, or the briefcase holder cashes it in directly after the champion has competed in a long and grueling match of some sort.  There’s never one where the champion is walking around backstage, minding his own business, when the MITB winner comes out of nowhere, beats the champion down, and wins the title.  I suppose there aren’t really THAT many ways for MITB to be cashed in, but a little variety goes a long way, guys.

Also, I’m not really enjoying Creative’s new approach for getting newer talent over by just giving them a world title.  It’s happened twice now in less than six months, both to guys who really don’t deserve a world title of any kind.  I’d much prefer seeing new talents work their way up from the very bottom of the barrel, scraping and clawing their way through the ranks, until they get a world title opportunity that they’ve earned and win a title.  They don’t get over by winning a title; they get over by working for the title.  That’s how it should be, anyway.  Just giving a guy a world title doesn’t give him any credibility.  If anything, it lessens the credibility of the previous champion for being unable to stave off a seemingly random challenge from a guy who doesn’t deserve to sniff the champion’s jock strap.  But now I’m getting callous and overbearing, so I’ll just say this: Jack Swagger does not deserve to be the World Heavyweight Champion, and simply putting a title on him isn’t going to get him over any better than making him work for the title will.  I have less respect for Creative for making this bunghole of a decision.

Anyway, back to the card.

HHH defeats Sheamus

In what I would have to consider a very tepid affair, HHH once again decides that it’s in his best interest to put himself over another newer talent.  Not that I consider Sheamus a great young talent.  But still, it doesn’t surprise me at all that he lost.  While I don’t really remember the details of the match (I watched Wrestlemania 26 on Monday and have since watched six more hours of wrestling, along with a week’s worth of other activities), it was likely very akin to HHH/Orton last year.  Anyway, HHH gets yet ANOTHER victory at Wrestlemania, and I don’t care anymore.

Rey Mysterio defeats CM Punk

Again, no surprises here.  In fact, the only real surprises here were the two matches for which I was incorrect for my picks.  Seems like Creative went very conservative this year.  Anyway, Mysterio continues on his immense roll ever since returning from a drug suspension and despite basically working on one knee for the past six months.  Punk continues his slide.  If Creative really wants me to take the Straight Edge Society seriously, they need to add about a dozen more members.  I miss the days of stables having ten people in it.  The Corporation, The Nation of Domination, those guys.  Having these stables of two or three people is unimpressive.  I wish they’d create at least one stable with a half dozen people in it.  But then Creative would have to be creative, and we can’t trust them to do that.  Oh, right, there was a match.  Mysterio probably needs to take time off to get his knee fixed for the…what is it now, 43rd time?  Short match with nothing terribly memorable.  Though I thought Mysterio put on yet another great show.

Bret Hart defeats Vince McMahon in a Lumberjack Match

*sigh*

The week before this match happened, I was actually looking forward to it.  Then Vince paraded the entire Hart family down to ringside (all still in their tuxedos and fancy dresses from earlier in the evening), including the Hart Dynasty, and informed Bret that this was going to be a Lumberjack match.  I was okay with this, though I felt as though it would hamper the match’s potential severely.  I was fine with having one of the family as the special guest referee.  I knew that the Harts were going to turn on Vince.  I just wished that Bret hadn’t told Vince from the start that they were on the take.  It basically turned this match from a match with potential to be entertaining into a ten minute lynching.  This match could have been good.  It was so goddamned boring.  The highlight had to be Tyson Kidd flying off the top rope and hitting a Hart Attack on Vince who was on the arena floor.  The rest was just Bret beating Vince with a tire iron and a steel chair.  And you have to believe that Bret swung that chair a few times more than they’d planned, just to get all that pent up frustration out after all that’s happened.  The match was a complete train wreck, and I really wished that JR was there to call the match “bowling shoe ugly.”  Actually, calling it that would have been an insult to bowling shoes.  A rather large waste of time.  Don’t get me wrong, I WANTED to see Bret beat the shit out of Vince.  I just wish it hadn’t been such a one-sided affair.

Chris Jericho defeats Edge to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

Wow.  The one match everyone predicted Edge to win, and we were ALL wrong.  Vince probably saw the prediction columns from all the internet, so he decided to give us a swerve.  Because he’s a dick like that.  Anyway, it was a decent match, but definitely not as good as both men can pull off.  I think Edge was hampered by his Achilles tendon injury.  He doesn’t have quite the spring in his step he had before the injury.  Kind of like Gregory Helms after his neck surgery a couple of years back.  I hope Edge can get back to 100%, because watching him now isn’t as fun as it used to be.  I did think the final spot of the night for these two was pretty great, with Edge spearing Jericho through a retaining wall.

Get ready for the third sidebar of this column!  It feels like this entire build was for naught.  Edge comes back six months early from his injury, wins the Royal Rumble, and they build the hell out of this feud for two months, only to have Edge lose, then Swagger take the World Title away from them both the very week after Wrestlemania?  It feels like we wasted over six months total of build for this feud.  It also feels like the Royal Rumble was a complete waste of time this year, since we’re rooting for whomever wins it to win the title at Wrestlemania.  Well, usually.  I was also quite disappointed that this match wasn’t either the second-to-last or last match on the card, considering that it’s the Royal Rumble winner here.

Team Heel Divas defeats Team Face Divas

Nobody cares about this match.  All I cared about was getting another correct mark in the picks column.  I managed to go 8-2 this year.  Pretty good if I do say so myself.

John Cena defeats Batista to become the NEW WWE Champion

If you didn’t see this coming, you’re a fool.  Batista is probably on his way out, seeing as how he’s getting old and all.  Plus, nobody likes him.  When I say that, I don’t just mean that nobody likes him because he portrays a heel character.  I mean that nobody likes him as a human being.  Dave Batista is just another one of those over-muscled pea-brained idiots who doesn’t actually care about entertaining anyone.  We know he doesn’t care about the fans.  He only cares about himself.  His promo on Monday night probably was a lot closer to the truth than it should have been.  Whatever.  I’ve never enjoyed Batista in any way, so once he’s gone, it will open up a slot for a more deserving wrestler in the main event.

Cena is now a nine-time world champion.  I wonder if it’ll be Cena or HHH who breaks Ric Flair’s 16 world championships recognized by WWE?

The Undertaker defeats Shawn Michaels

I think most people are in agreement that this match did not live up to their match last year.  Last year was a truly epic encounter.  This year, both men truly showed their age.  Last year, it seemed like they were more willing to take risks simply to entertain the crowd.  This year, it seemed like they wanted to make sure they could walk the next night on Raw.  It really doesn’t matter in the end.  I didn’t like this match from the start of the feud.  I felt like it was unnecessary.  But I guess if Shawn Michaels wants to retire, there really isn’t a better way to do so than to lose to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania.  It moves Taker’s streak to 18-0, and I really don’t think that he’ll get to 20-0 unless he takes a year off between these matches.  It just isn’t going to happen.  And if Vince makes it happen, the last two matches won’t be nearly as fun to watch as some of the earlier matches.  Still, it was a good send-off to HBK, whom I’m sure we’ll see later on in a managerial position of some sort.  I also thought his speech on Monday night was very tasteful without being overly emotional, but still a fine speech nonetheless.  I also think that he took a couple of jabs at Ric Flair during the speech, but that’s up for interpretation.  I’m considering picking up the My Journey DVD, just to see what WWE decided to do during HBK’s last month or so as an active wrestler.

So there you have it.  I’ve spent nearly 2,400 words on Wrestlemania alone.  I’d like to talk about the rest of the week, but I think it’s probably been long enough.  I’ll just give two quick notes regarding the rest of the week.

#1 – Daniel Bryan Danielson is the #1 NXT Rookie.  Yet David Otunga is hosting Raw next week.  LAME.  I think we all know who Vince wants to win NXT.

#2 – Goodbye, Great Khali.  We’ll probably not miss you, but it was somewhat fun while it lasted.

That’s all for now.  See you all next time.

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