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So the Chamber has come and gone.  It wasn’t a bad show, thanks mostly in part to the main event, but it wasn’t spectacular, either.  Let’s go through this clusterfuck of a PPV.

Raw Elimination Chamber – John Cena defeats Sheamus, HHH, Randy Orton, Ted Dibiase, and Kofi Kingston to become the WWE Champion, Batista defeats John Cena to become the WWE Champion minutes later

While I am pleased that they took the title off Sheamus, I am somewhat disappointed in how they went about it.  And I’m certainly disappointed that Batista is the WWE Champion.  He’s such a dull personality, even more so in his “me first” gimmick.  And thanks to what transpired on Raw last night, we’re apparently getting Cena vs. Batista at Wrestlemania 26.  Vince, you’re a year too late.  This would have been a great match last year, but now that we’re a year later, Batista’s likely on the way out, and Cena’s hurting, it isn’t as intriguing of a matchup as it would have been had you given us this a year ago.  It’s just kind of “meh” now.  Anyway, back to the Chamber match.  We FINALLY get Dibiase turning on Orton, smacking him in the face with a steel pipe that Rhodes tossed into the chamber, supposedly intending to get it to Orton.  Kingston does some crazy shit all around the chamber and gets eliminated, much to no one’s surprise.  Sheamus laid on the sidelines for about ten minutes straight while everyone else beat the crap out of each other, much like he normally does.  It was okay, but not terribly entertaining.  I’m certainly glad that they led off with this match instead of making it the main event.

Drew McIntyre defeats Kane to retain the Intercontinental Championship

If you didn’t see this coming, you’re blinder than I am.  Though I must admit that Kane’s control segments were the best part of this match by far, and were actually pretty fun to watch.  McIntyre continues to be unimpressive except when he’s getting the tar kicked out of him.  Still, a very predictable outcome.  Also, a note for Mr. McIntyre: you’re a one-trick pony.  Sticking your thumb into your opponent’s eye while the ref isn’t looking at the end of a lot of your matches makes your matches terribly predictable and uninteresting.  I know you’re playing Sheamus Lite, the cowardly heel who markets himself as this tough badass, but at least try different tactics.  Maybe if you do that, you’ll be less of a dullard to watch.  Anyway, okay match, but nothing special.

And as far as my picks went, I’m 1 for 2.

Michelle McCool and Layla defeats Gail Kim and Maryse in a Women’s Tag Team Match

Vince is a devilish bastard.  He knows we all ahte Vickie Guerrero.  But he also knows that a lot of wrestling fans have short memories.  So he only uses her once in a while, so that when she does appear, it’s all the more aggravating.  Not only does she show up and nearly pop everyone’s ear drums with her screeching, but she deprives us of a title match.  That witch.  Anyway, we get the most predictable match in history as Michelle McLame and Layla defeat Gail Kim in what basically amounted to a handicap match.  I have no idea why they postponed the Diva’s Title match until Raw the next night.  Probably to waste extra time because they only had five matches on the card.  And speaking of the title match, I’m not surprised, but I am disappointed in the result: Maryse wins the Diva’s Championship again.  I should have seen it coming, but my heart led me astray in picking that match.  On the plus side, finding out Gail Kim knew exactly what Maryse was saying in French these past weeks was a very nice touch and made me respect Kim all the more for putting up with the constant bullshit that goes on in the WWE.  I hope Gail continues to chase for the title, because one and done would be a travesty.

The Miz defeats MVP to retain the United States Championship

While I don’t hate how this feud has gone on, I do wish they’d advertise all of the matches on the card instead of tossing extra sutff in there seemingly at the last minute.  Anyway, this was actually a pretty good match between the two, better than their match at the Royal Rumble for sure.  But probably the most memorable moment of the match didn’t even involve the competitors, but their tag team partners.  Watching Mark Henry crash through the retaining wall in front of the timekeeper and the announcers was pretty epic.  The last time someone did that, it was Umaga.  Doing crazy shit like that is worth it, because people remember it.  And, on yet another tangential note, it looks like this whole Miz angel on NXT is going to be the main storyline of the first “season” of the show.  More on that later.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber – Chris Jericho defeats The Undertaker, CM Punk, John Morrison, Rey Mysterio, and R-Truth to become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion

As just about everyone predicted, Jericho won the match, though not without a little help from Shawn Michaels.  I honestly thought that HBK was going to ambush someone and take his place.  I figured he was going to knock Morrison out of the match, much like Edge did last year to Kofi Kingston, but it was not to be.  It’s okay, because Shawn got the final word and cost Taker the World Heavyweight Championship.  I must give credit where credit is due: Rey Mysterio made this match entertaining.  He got pummeled and beaten worse than anyone I’ve seen in Chamber history.  It was actually a little painful to watch at times.  But he was great in this match, and I have to give him major props.  Also, during this match, I had what I thought was a definite epiphany: Taker should fight Punk at Wrestlemania 26.  It could have been a great match with tons of implications towards the future.  Alas, it was not to be, as we found out on Raw the following night.  The Smackdown Chamber match was definitely the match of the night, and I’d recommend watching it if you can find it somewhere.

So, if I include the Diva’s Title match from Raw, I went 2 for 4 in picks.  Not great, but for what happened, not bad, either.

Okay, speaking of Raw, let’s discuss the three Wrestlemania matches that were set up last night.  First, we got Chris Jericho appearing with his World Championship held high.  One Spear by Edge later and we have our main event: Edge vs. Jericho.  Then, later on, we find out that we will, indeed, be getting Taker/HBK II, only this time, it’s The Streak vs. Shawn’s Career.  I hope they build this really well, because I have no interest in the match whatsoever.  They already had their epic encounter last year.  What’s going to change this year?  I just don’t think it’s going to provide enough of a change to be as entertaining as it could be.  And finally, we apparently get Cena vs. Batista for the WWE Championship, though it’s a little difficult to really tell if it’s going to happen, since Cena won by DQ after Batista kicked him square in the junk.  On the bonus side, Batista actually made Cena look almost human with the beatdown that occurred after the match was over.  It was a nice change of pace after so many years of Super Cena.  I doubt it will last very long, but it was different enough to keep me vaguely interested.

Now, let’s quickly go over the ECW free agent scene real quick.  So far (unless I missed something), we know that Christian and Yoshi Tatsu have signed with Raw, William Regal’s contemplating signing with Raw, and Caylen Croft, Trent Baretta, and Ezekiel Jackson have signed with Smackdown.  No news on the rest of the names, but I’m sure that we’ll find out as the weeks progress.  The only reason I’m bringing this up is that I bet that quite a few former ECW guys will be competing in the Money in the Bank ladder match at Wrestlemania.  Christian has already qualified, and unless someone eve nmore logical also qualifies, he’s my pick to win it.

The last thing I’d like to talk about today is the apparent major storyline for NXT featuring The Miz and Daniel Bryan, or, as The King of All Italy, Mike Siciliano has decreed he be named, Daniel Bryan Danielson (I still crack up every time I hear, say, or write it down).  I just love the name.  Anyway, it appears that there will be a lot of tension between Miz and Danielson during the course of NXT.  Miz is arguing that, while Danielson may have a decade of experience in, as he called it, the “minor leagues,” that Danielson has no idea what it takes to be a WWE superstar, so he’s going to try to teach Danielson how to have a personality or some such nonsense.  It actually makes me want to tune in tonight, just to see how this whole thing evolves.  I don’t even care about anyone else on the show, because this is going to be fun.  Danielson is, to me, the only person I’d actually like to see fight pretty much anyone and everyone on the WWE roster.  There are so many intriguing matchups for Danielson that the possibilities with him are pretty much infinite.  I can’t wait to watch him school Miz inside the ring.  I suppose that my initial feelings towards NXT were, indeed, a little premature.  I’m still very skeptical about the rest of the show, but seeing Daniel Bryan Danielson will be worth it.  I hope.

Okay, that’s all for me for now.  Tune in later this week where I review the first episode of NXT and maybe, just maybe, actually get around to reviewing that damn music album.  Until then, stay awesome, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t dress up like a mechanical bull and taunt Big Show, because he’ll punch your head off.  See you next time!


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