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It’s been nearly ten days since last I wrote here.  Since then, some strange new developments have…well, developed in the crazy circus that is World Wrestling Entertainment.  Let’s look back and see what on earth has been going on.

Last Friday we got yet another delay in the World Heavyweight Title picture, when during the Rey/Batista match, we got some “interference” by what people will surely believe is The Undertaker.  We had the lights go out and the gong…gong.  And we got it twice.  First was just before Batista was going to hit Rey with the Batista Bomb, which laid out Batista (I’m pretty sure this is the most times I’ve said Batista’s name in one sentence), and then we get a second one when Rey’s about to do his springboard splash.  Also, the referee disappeared after the second incident (or maybe the first…I wasn’t paying very close attention), which was strange.  So because of that little snafu, we’re getting a steel cage match this Friday night to actually determine the #1 Contender.  I have a wonderful little conspiracy theory about this.  I bet that it’s Chris Jericho who’s behind this whole charade.  I believe in my heart of hearts that Jericho is much more deserving of a title shot than either Rey or Batista.  Rey’s basically working on one leg right now, and Batista’s probably going to hang up his boots in the next couple of months.  Neither of them is going to provide a very good challenge, much less a good World Champion if they were to defeat The Undertaker, who’s looking about as hobbled as ever.  Jericho has more than enough talent to run with the title, and he’s the healthiest guy out of the whole bunch, and having him run with the title would put asses in seats, because everyone and their mother would want to see him lose the title to whomever.  If John Morrison doesn’t win the Rumble, who else thinks we might just get Edge vs. Jericho at Wrestlemania 26 for the World Heavyweight Championship?  I’d watch that for sure.  But back to the point at hand…was there even a point?  I suppose my point here is that none of the three men currently in a battle for the WHC should really be champion since they’re all too banged up to really give 100% as a champion.

Speaking of Morrison, even though I have no idea on earth just who will participate in the Royal Rumble Match, there are already a couple of clear favorites.  Morrison has to be one, as it looks like his program with Drew McIntyre is about over, and he looks ready for that main event push I’ve been calling for since nearly a year ago.  Then there’s Kofi Kingston, whose push has been slowed by this constant marring by one Mr. Randy Orton.  Kofi could get right back on track with a win at the Rumble, and challenge Orton for the belt when Orton takes the title away from this sham of a champion Raw has right now.  Then there’s Dibiase or Rhodes.  This whole Legacy break-up has been teased for way too long, and with Dibiase and Rhodes messing with Orton’s head, it’s only a matter of time before one or both of them go ahead and turn on Orton.  I personally don’t believe that either Rhodes OR Dibiase are ready for a main event push, let alone a singles main event push.  But the IWC has been clammering for a Dibiase face turn and a main event match with Orton in the near future.  Dibiase, to me, at least, hasn’t shown a great deal of in-ring talent.  He uses Swagger Tactics a lot, and it makes for dull matches.  I don’t know if we just haven’t seen the actual talent he has, or if this is as good as he gets, but he doesn’t look like he’s ready.

Now, let’s discuss Raw for a moment or two.  First off, Mike Tyson was god-awful as the host.  He has no charisma, and his backstage segments were quite obviously taped several times, probably because he couldn’t remember his lines.  And his interaction with Hornswoggle was a bit too over-the-top, even though it was all a ruse to get Jericho to trust him.  As a result of his appearance, I attempted to watch the documentary about Tyson, but stopped about ten minutes in because he creeped me out too damn much.  I did not enjoy his appearance on Raw one bit.

Then, we’ve got Randy Orton becoming the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship.  Sure, there have been heel vs. heel title matches in the past, but it never seems to get the crowd interested.  To the casual fan, it’s a lose/lose situation: if Sheamus retains the title, it’s another month of a freakishly pale Irishman with no in-ring talent and even less mic talent, and if Orton wins, we get yet ANOTHER title reign for the Legend Killer.  We only got, what, three of those last year?  I thought Vince was going in a new direction.  Either way, this will probably disappoint fans.  I know it’s disappointing me.  Either Kofi or Cena would have been a better opponent for Sheamus at the Rumble.  Whatever.  It’s probably where Rhodes and Dibiase turn on Orton, which means that the entire buildup for this match and the match itself will be only a way to get Dibiase and Rhodes over.  What a waste.

Also, I’d like to know how MVP got back into the US Title hunt after basically being Raw’s whipping boy for the last six months.  He’s already been US Champ twice.  What does he need with a third run?  And that’s IF he beats Miz, which has so little a chance it can’t be seen without an electron microscope.  MVP needs to move up to the main event, or he’s going to languish in mid-card hell for the rest of his career.  I want to see some new faces in the US Title hunt.  Unfortunately, Creative hasn’t built up a single person to be even remotely close to challenging Miz at this point.  It’s kind of sad, really.

On a more positive (and funny note), if you’ll look back to column #32, you might notice at the top of the list something that happened on Monday night.  Nearly six months ago, I declared that Evan Bourne and Mark Henry would be the Oddest Tag Team with Actual Potential.  And this past Monday night, guess who teamed together?  That’s right!  I’m calling this a successfull call on my part, even though I wasn’t generally being serious with the teams.  Sure, they were just a speed bump in front of Legacy, but they worked!  And since MVP’s apparently moved on past the World’s Strongest Tag Team, why not stick Henry and Bourne together?  Henry’s languishing in the lower mid-card, and Bourne…well, let’s jump on a tangent, shall we?

I have a rhetorical question for you: what in the blue hell did Evan Bourne do to deserve the treatment he’s gotten in the ring the last few…well, really, the last year or so, but ESPECIALLY the last couple of weeks?  Last Monday, he gets completely squashed by Sheamus in about 45 seconds.  Then, last night at the ECW Homecoming Battle Royal, he gets eliminated by Kane about ten seconds into the match.  And no one else was eliminated for at least five minutes afterward!  What in the hell is happening?  Bourne was my pick to face Christian for the ECW Title at the Rumble.  But ten seconds in to the battle royal, I no longer cared who won, because my pick got tossed out.  So I ask again: who did Bourne piss off backstage to get this kind of in-ring treatment?  I feel bad for the guy.  He’s got tons of talent and is ridiculously over with the fans.  Yet he’s buried worse than Gail Kim.  It’s a shame when a guy as talented as Bourne (or a girl as talented as Kim, for that matter) get buried for seemingly no reason.  I really hope that Creative stops wasting his talent (and our time) and gives him the push he deserves.

Okay, tangent over.  I’m just kind of giddy that one of my weird tag teams actually made it onto Raw.

Let’s jump to ECW to end this column.  The Homecoming Battle Royal was humdrum.  Just your typical battle royal.  No surprises at all.  Though I was a little surprised (and very disappointed) by the ridiculously quick Bourne elimination.  And I was a little surprised that CM Punk got tossed out relatively early on as well.  I figured if anyone would logically get the ECW Title shot, it would be Punk.  But Kane tossed him out, and Big Zeke (hereafter referred to as Ahmed Johnson the Second) tossed Yoshi Tatsu out very awkwardly.  I hope Yoshi’s ankles are okay after falling on the ground badly.  So we get Ahmed Johnson the Second in an ECW Title match with Christian at the Rumble.  Who else thinks that Ahmed is going to “give up” his title shot so that Regal can get one last chance?  It’s the only storyline that makes sense, because Johnson is so undeserving of a title shot it’s just plain stupid.  If he actually faces Christian and wins the ECW Title, I’ll probably stop watching ECW, because it means that Vince really doesn’t give a shit about the brand and wants to kill it.  It would be the worst decision since putting the WWE Title on Sheamus.  Which, admittedly, wasn’t really that long ago, but it feels like it has been.

Okay, I think I’ve filled your brains with anger and conspiracy enough for now.  I’ll be back sometime with more rants, raves, and entertainment.  Until then, stay awesome.  And if you get a chance, do check out the most recent episode of the Pro Wrestling Rewind.  Andy Knowles’ rants about Sheamus are probably my favorite moments of these shows.  He hates that man more than I do, and that’s tough to believe.  I don’t know if either of them read this, but keep up the great work, guys!  And I’ll see you all next time.

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2 Comments

  1. Thanks for the plug!!

    Great column by the way.

    Loved it.

    Power on,

    Andy

  2. I’ll put your blog on as a link on the rewind’s new podcast page.. drop me a line on facebook with the link in case I forget, I’m old, remember.

    great work, thank you for the plug, and YES, WE DO READ THE WORK. 🙂

    Mike


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