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A thought before I go into picks: I’m considering doing some spur-of-the-moment thoughts of every show I can watch live.  I’ve thought about joining all the twits and twats on Twitter mostly so I could harangue the company for being so overblown and idiotic, but doing entries while watching Raw, ECW, and Smackdown might be kind of fun, especially to look back at what I’d written the next day and comment on what I wrote.  It probably won’t be too interesting to anybody else, but I think it’d be fun.  I was doing that sans Twitter yesterday while watching Smackdown, writing stuff like, “I really didn’t need to know that Mike Knox participates in auto-erotic asphyxiation.”  Which basically was said last night.  It was far more than I ever needed to know about any character.  So I might start doing this just for fun, see if I get any followers.

Okay, back on topic.  TLC is a day away, and my initial opinions are mixed.  The concept is decent enough, and some of the matches look good.  But some just anger me because of the participants.  So let’s get to it, shall we?

Women’s Championship – Michelle McCool (c) vs. Mickie James

I am so goddamned sick of McCool’s incredibly lame attempt at an insult to Mickie James.  I’m not even going to dignify it by writing it here.  If McCool wins, we’ll never hear the end of it.  Which would mean I’d tune out every time it airs.  Besides, Smackdown has more talented heel women then face women, and there are at least two awesome ladies waiting in the wings to get their Women’s Title shots.  Hell, I just want to see Beth and Natalya duke it out anyway.  Michelle McCool has had a long enough title reign.  The women’s division needs someone who doesn’t have the personality of wet cardboard.  And it needs someone who can face off against Beth and Natalya.  Mickie James wins her 94th Women’s Title.  Or her fifth.  I’ve lost count.

Oh, and a quick word to Matt Striker: Michelle McCool will NEVER surpass any of the women currently in the WWE Hall of Fame.  You should be ashamed to say that she could be better than Moolah, Mae Young, or Sensational Sherri.  Talk to me again if McCool’s wrestling in 50 years and I MIGHT hear you out.  I’m actually beginning to hate Striker’s commentary.  But let’s move on.

Intercontinental Championship – John Morrison (c) vs. Drew McIntyre

Morrison has been the champ since early September, when he had a fantastic match with Rey Mysterio.  There’s a sad part of me that has a bad feeling he’s going to lose tomorrow.  If somebody’s got a letter of recommendation from HHH and Shawn Michaels, he’s basically got a golden ticket to the top no matter what.  Which is depressing.  It means that it doesn’t matter if you’ve got talent in the ring or on the mic, because as long as you’re in good with the higher-ups, you can politic your way into greatness.  I’ll admit that these two had a good match last week on Smackdown.  But one match does not a great wrestler make.  McIntyre’s still in the Swagger Tactics frame of mind, and that won’t help him get over as a heel.  Morrison’s going to carry this match, but I’m afraid he might lose out in the end anyway.  And that will pretty well end any hopes Dolph Ziggler has of winning any singles gold in the near future.  But maybe I’m wrong and Morrison retains, and teaches McIntyre a lesson that it doesn’t matter how in you are with the boss.  But who are we kidding?  Vince would never make himself look like a fool on television.  His ego is too huge, and it needs constant stroking in order to function properly.  Drew McIntyre wins and becomes the new Intercontinental champion.  Not that I’m wanting him to win.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

I’m looking forward to this match quite thoroughly, though I fear it’s been lost in the shuffle of Cena/Sheamus and Taker/Batista.  This could make Kofi’s career.  If he gets a clean win over Orton and showcases what he can do, he may be pushed to the main event.  And he (unlike others who are receiving title shots after TWO MONTHS on Raw) has got the talent and the mic skills to make it up there.  And if you want somebody to go over, there really aren’t many better qualified to put someone over than Randy Orton.  I’m not a big fan of his style, but he gets the job done.  He’s going to be obnoxious as hell during this match, but he’s going to get Kofi over.  Kofi Kingston wins.  This should be a good match.

ECW Championship Ladder Match – Christian (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin

After months of screwing the fans out of ECW Title matches on PPVs, we’re getting the mother lode at the end of the year.  Christian and Shelton are two of the most prominently featured ladder match wrestlers ever.  Christian was a TLC mainstay during its infancy, and Shelton is put in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania every year because he delivers stellar performances every year.  This will be a crazy spot-fest from bell to bell, and we’re going to get to see Shelton fly like a madman.  I was a little scared during his spot at the end of ECW this past Tuesday, when he almost lost his balance on the ropes and then nearly collapsed the ladder under his weight.  But that’s just the tip of the iceberg here.  This match is going to be furious and crazy-go-nuts the whole way.  These two are going to steal the show, seeing as how they keep telling us that they will.  I believe it.  On the matter of who wins, though, that’s tough.  Christian’s held the belt for about five months, which in 2009 is like a year and a half in any other time period.  I think Christian’s gearing up for a move to Smackdown to reunite with Edge…or turn on him.  Either way, it’s probably time for a changing of the guard.  And Shelton honestly deserves the win.  He’s an IWC darling, and his face turn has only helped him.  Christian has done his part to get ECW recognized as a real brand instead of just some knockoff where vets go to die and young guns arrive fresh off the FCW boat.  Shelton Benjamin wins and is your NEW ECW Champion.

WWE Championship Tables Match – John Cena (c) vs. Sheamus

I’ve ranted every single week about how undeserving Sheamus is of a WWE Title shot.  It all came to a head this past Monday, when he probably put Mark Cuban’s life in danger by tossing him through a table set up in the corner.  I was hoping that Cuban didn’t get his neck or back broken.  He apparently didn’t, but I don’t normally have that fear when a competent wrestler puts a non-wrestler through a table.  I have the fear that someone’s goign to get legitimately injured every time the pale Irishman steps through the ropes.  And he’s been built up so strongly that I can’t conceive of him winning at all.  WWE would be insane to put their biggest prize on the waist of a guy who’s been on TV for less than six months, especially one who seems to be a danger to everyone around him.  I’d imagine that Cena does his best Superman impression after getting beat down by the Irish Ghost and gets the win.  John Cena wins and retains his title.

World Heavyweight Championship Steel Chairs Match – Undertaker (c) vs. Batista

We all know Taker is hurting.  He can barely move around in the ring nowadays.  On the other hand, Batista is about as deserving of another World Title reign as Sheamus.  Batista has turned into this boring, generic heel.  He’s like Chris Jericho without the charisma and vocabulary.  He hates the fans too, but his face says he doesn’t care what happens.  I’m afraid that Creative is going to try to preserve Taker’s health as much as possible until Wrestlemania 26.  And the only way to do that is to take the title off him.  I hate to say it, and I really wish it wouldn’t happen, but it’s looking like Batista wins his 19th World Championship.  Or hwoever many he’s got under his belt (pun thoroughly intended).  This will be a bowling-shoe ugly match for sure (I miss JR).

Unified Tag Team Championship TLC Match – Chris Jericho and The Big Show (c’s) vs. DX

Jericho is the longest-reigning champion in WWE today.  He’s held the Unified Tag Team gold since The Bash, which I was lucky enough to attend back in late June.  Of course, he won those titles with Edge, but people seem to have forgotten about that.  Anyway, Jericho and Show have been a great tag team, and they’ve had a great run, but WWE seems intent on pushing DX as much as possible in order to boost profit margins.  DX is a merchandise machine, there’s no doubt.  I kind of hope that they change their ways after they win the tag titles.  Like they either both turn heel, or they stay with the intense, angry duo.  The teenager mindset that they’ve had for the past few months has worn out its welcome, and I would like to see some change in Hunter and Shawn.  On the plus side, there hasn’t been as high profile a tag match in years.  It doesn’t get much bigger than this.  Literally and figuratively.  Anyway, I’m betting that Jericho and Show are on the edge of a breakup (not sure whether or not that pun was intended), and I’m betting that they’re going to get Jericho right back into the World Title picture once he loses the tag straps.  So, with that being said, DX wins and becomes the NEW Unified Tag Team Champions.

Well, there are my picks.  All we have to do is wait and see what happens.  Should be a decent show.  I’ll be back in a couple of days with results, and in a couple of weeks, I’ll have my End of the Year wrap-up column, as well as the First Annual Golden Rantie Awards.  Keep watching, and I’ll keep writing.


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