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This has been a strange and interesting week in the world of WWE.  Let’s try to chronicle some of the many happenings.

Raw…I watched it, and have been trying to rationalize what went on, and I can’t think of a legitimate excuse for devoting hearly half of the entire show’s air-time to Vince McMahon and his birthday.  Yes, I know he’s the owner of the company, and whatever comes out of his insane head, goes.  But let’s be perfectly frank and honest here.  Regular people like you and I pay good money to go to these shows to watch our favorite competitors wrestle each other, talk to us, entertain us.  We do not pay good money to watch a 64-year-old man strut around the ring, dance with Vegas showgirls, and then PIN THE WWE CHAMPION.  Please.  Just let the professionals do their job and win without a good reason.  There’s no reason to have a 64-year-old man pin Randy Orton, no matter how many FU’s or Superkicks he’s taken.  No way.  The whole episode was just a huge ego-stroking contest.  And we all know how huge an ego VKM has.  It’s so big it fills outdoor stadiums.  And apparently he can’t stroke it himself.  So he gets audiences of 15,000+ working-class people to stroke it for him.  And what do we get in return?  The lingering burning sensation that we’ve been ripped off.  And of course, just to prove that everything he says may very well be bullshit, we’re gettin Cena/Orton AGAIN at the “new” PPV, Breaking Point.  Yay.  Except it’s an I Quit Match.  And does anyone honestly think John Cena will EVER say I Quit?  Maybe if Orton was about to punt Cena’s father.  But otherwise, expect a title change at Breaking Point (which, by the way, has a rather silly logo).

MVP and Mark Henry are getting a shot at the Unified Tag Team Titles as well at Breaking Point.  Oh joy.  It’s like the WWE writing staff is waiting until a new tag team emerges as a crowd favorite to challenge Jericho and Big Show.  And until that happens, they keep throwing mishmash tag teams under the bus while we wait for them to scramble around and come up with legitimate challengers.  Sure, you could say that MVP and Henry are legitimate contenders, what with Henry being within spitting distance of Show’s size, but really, when you mix two wresters’ theme songs together, you’re keeping that team together for a long time.  And Mark Henry really needs to switch back to the black outfit.  He looks like a giant tomato with that ridiculous red getup.  And MVP looks like a slightly smaller tomato when he wears red.  It’s just a good color for men to wear, unless it’s not the dominant color we see when they wrestle.  Like Kozlov.  He wears red tights, but they’re not detracting from his in-ring work.

How about this Hornswoggle/Chavo feud, huh?  Feud of the century, am I right?  I joke, though.  Seriously, this feud needs to die very soon, or I may just boycott Raw for giving Hornswoggle more wins than Evan Bourne.  UGH.

On the very plus side (CHAUVANISM ALERT), I enjoyed the Divas tag match a lot, mostly because they looked awesome in boxing gear.  Especiall Beth Phoenix.  Rawr.

And, of course, I can’t finish talking about Raw without mentioning Floyd Mayweather.  The guy still causes people to hate him upon sight.  Clearly, he doesn’t deserve the fame and attention he’s achieved so far.  The only thing he was good for was handing brass knuckles to MVP so he could win a match.  LAME.  And when you come out with a posse of…what was it, nine or ten guys?  It doesn’t matter.  When you’ve got ten guys, all at least twice your size, you’re obviously not as tough as you say you are.  If you want to impress me, walk down to the ring and have a staredown with Big Show, one on one.  No posse.  Just you and your little 140 pound self.  I am so fucking sick of Mayweather, I wish he would just disappear forever.

Okay, now that that train wreck is over, let’s go to ECW.  I see another feud that seemingly will never end.  Goldust and Sheamus.  Admittedly, they’re mixing up the matches fairly well.  But it’s still leaving me with a dull impression.  Sheamus is your typical musclehead wrestler, only he’s pale as a ghost and Irish.  He’s not that entertaining to watch.

So apparently we’ve got a Shelton Benjamin face turn.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe simply as another body to face Regal when he wins the ECW Title.

The main event was the match we should have gotten at Summerslam.  Well, basically, anyway.  We should have gotten 12-15 minutes of Christian and Regal beating the high holy ever-loving crap out of each other, not an eight second fluke pin.  No.  Let’s not conjure up memories of that again.  Anyway, we’ve got a submission match at Breaking Point.  And the past few weeks have been featuring the Regal Stretch, so I think it’s safe to believe that it will come into play a lot during their match.

Superstars…Hack Swagger strikes again, Paul Burchill ruins The Hurricane’s comeback, and Dolph Ziggler wins the most predictable match of the night.  I don’t feel there’s any more to say about that.

Smackdown…now there’s a show that begs to be talked about.  In one week, Smackdown has lost two of its (unarguably) most popular stars in Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio.  Hardy’s departure has been expected for some time, but WWE managed to squeeze a little extra time out of him before finally letting him do whatever he wants to do.  He’s basically been in the main event since he came back three years ago, so he deserves a break.  Mysterio gets suspended for a prescription drug he says he has a prescription for, but couldn’t produce in time.  So he loses 30 days and the IC Title, most likely.  And Smackdown gets to fluster for a month while Mysterio is gone, and struggle for as long as Hardy is gone.  I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t like to admit it, but Jeff Hardy was probably the most important guy on Smackdown.  People would tune in ever week specifically to watch him.  I know that there are other wrestlers who have their own dedicated fan bases, but I doubt that there are more than a half dozen people with the fan base as dedicated as the Jeff Hardy camp.  He just clicked with the fans the way nobody else can.  It’s one of those strange occurrences that happen so rarely that trying to find a replacement will likely prove impossible until the next guy just comes along out of nowhere.  Was he as important as Stone Cold Steve Austin or Hulk Hogan?  That remains to be seen.  But when you have people honest to goodness CRYING as you make your farewell speech and walk up that ramp for what they think is the last time, you’ve truly made an impact on people’s lives.  Yes, I will miss Jeff Hardy.  I was a huge Hardy fan when he returned three years ago, and I’m still a big fan today.  Say what you will, but he was damned entertaining.

And, because this is the WWE and nothing is normal, Punk runs out and ruins one of the most heartfelt farewells we’ve seen since Ric Flair’s departure.  Why can’t we have one person leave without someone else ruining the moment?  Seriously.  They had a damn fine match.  Just let Hardy leave on top instead of ruining his last moments with his fans.  I know it helps create drama and boosts the heat on Punk.  But just let him gain his heat with his words, not his actions.  That’s how the best heels operate.  You’re hurting Punk’s character by getting this cheap heat.  Of course, now he gets to face The Undertaker at Breaking Point.  Who else bets that the Gogoplata will come into play?

I also wonder what’s going to happen to the Mysterio/Ziggler match since Rey’s suspension is to start next Wednesday.  Will they do the injury angle, or will they just do the match early and have Ziggler win it.  But if he does, who’s ready to face him?  Can they even build a mini-program in a week’s time so the match means anything?  I doubt it.  No matter the outcome, it will hurt Smackdown to lose Rey for a month.

Well, I’m out of words for now.  One can only wonder what the hell is going to happen over the next couple of weeks leading to Breaking Point.  I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see.


One Comment

  1. Best blog ever -clap clap clapclapclap-

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  1. By Links for September 2009 « Dr. Darin Davis on 30 Sep 2009 at 9:40 pm

    […] #42 The Week In Review 8/24 – 8/30 — I agree with pretty much everything he has to say in this […]

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