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My memory is a little shaky about this past week’s television events, and I’m working on 2 1/2 hours of sleep today, so I’ll try to make this as coherent as possible for you all.

Monday Night Raw – Seeing as how this took place almost a week ago, my memory of it is sketchy at best.  I’ll just run down a couple of things I thought worked and a couple that really didn’t.

The potential program we’re about to get between MVP and William Regal.  Regal is a consummate professional, and he’s going to make the already talented MVP look like a million bucks more than he (MVP) is already worth.  I almost wouldn’t be surprised if MVP drops the US Title to Regal, if only to free up MVP to become one of the top babyfaces on Raw.  Seeing as how the only main event faces Raw has are HHH, Cena, and Batista, and HHH is gone for now and Batista is going to turn heel eventually, it looks like there’s going to be some new talent near the top of the roster, and MVP is the perfect candidate.  I’m not completely sold on MVP as a face, but it’s always good to see him getting the crowd cheering for him, as he so rightly deserves.  The only other faces on Raw are Kofi Kingston, HBK (who’s out for god knows how long), and the Colons.  There are a few more, but those are the only ones worth mentioning.  So it looks like MVP is going to receive a whole lot of responsibility very soon.  Let’s hope WWE has the confidence in him to let him be the top babyface for a while while Cena’s off battling the Big Show and Batista turns.

At least, I’m guessing Cena and Show are going to have a program.  It may be a short one, seeing as how the Miz of all people is calling Cena out and taking the forefit wins.  Miz is a total douchebag.  And he plays one pretty well, too.  Who knows…maybe this could be the start of a push for Miz.  I don’t quite think he has the in-ring talent to run as a major singles competitor, but since when has that ever stopped Creative from pushing someone?

What do guys like Drew Hankinson have to do to get a fair shake in WWE?  The guy is big but agile and extremely charismatic in the ring, and he’s stuck with a (let’s face it) absurd gimmick.  And this past week he was placed into a sing-off with Jillian…and won.  Why isn’t he wrestling?  Give him a little push, let him squash some of the guys who obviously aren’t going anywhere but the bottom of the barrel.  Give him a push like Kozlov.  Why not?

For the love of all that is evil and satanic, will someone take the Divas title off Maryse?  She’s had approximately maybe a half of a good match.  She’s a fairly dull in-ring competitor, and the Divas title needs to be moved to someone a lot more entertaining to watch.  Just give it to Mickie James and we can all be happy.

The one thing that really stuck out in my mind about the main event was that somehow, Shane McMahon, a fourtysomething non-wrestler as the announcers put it, was beating up Rhodes and Dibiase like they were a couple of idiots they pulled out of the audience to have him fight instead of multiple time tag champions and the eventual heirs to the top spots in the WWE.  It’s a shame to see these kids get buried like they do more often than not.  Though I think Dibiase needs a little while longer in developmental…but that’s beside the point.  I did not like the booking of the main event.  I really didn’t understand why Batista didn’t make the save immediately after the match had concluded, but before Shane appeared to have gotten his ankle shattered by Randy Orton.  That was a really dangerous and scary spot, one I did not enjoy at all.  I hope Shane’s okay.

Oh, and I forgot the worst segment I’ve seen since Kizarny was employed.  The Cena/Show segment after Miz’s callout was quite possibly one of the most dull and lifeless segments I’ve ever witnessed.  All they did was stand and stare at each other from across the ring.  For like two minutes!  I was yelling at them to do something, but they didn’t, until Show laid Cena out in one of the poorest-looking beatdowns I’ve seen since I started watching WWE programming again back in 2006.  They’re going to need a great hype segment tomorrow for their match in a week (!) in order for me to give a flying fuck about the match at Judgment Day.

ECW – The Evan Bourne/Tyson Kidd match should be the standard to which every WWE match should be held.  These two had one hell of a match.  One of the best TV matches I’ve seen in weeks.  They did everything you could ask for and then some, all in about…what, 12 minutes?  I’ve been slowly watching ROH’s show Punk: The Rinal Chapter, one match at a time, and those are also the types of matches WWE should hold their wrestlers to doing, because some of the crap that gets put on TV is embarassingly bad.  Bourne/Kidd was probably match of the week in my humble opinion.  But there were some competitors later on in the week.

When is Kozlov going to get some real competition?  Put him up against Mark Henry.  I’d love to see how that goes.  I believe the term is “bowling shoe ugly.”  That’s what that match would look like.  And I would love every minute of it.  All two of them.

The main event was so-so.  Dreamer looks like he’s ready to retire.  He’s been sluggish in the ring for the past few weeks, and it doesn’t help the three other guys trying to create a good match.  Not that Jack Swagger knows how to work a good match.  He really needs to go back to developmental and work on his psychology.  He has none right now, and it shows rather painfully how awkward he still is in the ring.  He wasn’t ready for TV back when he debuted, and he’s still not good enough to warrant a roster spot.  Here’s hoping Christian retains the ECW title in a week (!) at Judgment Day.

Superstars – The opening segment between Jeff Hardy and Edge was a great help in building tension and emotion towards their match next Sunday.  The ending did feel a little forced, but usually someone has to come out on top.  I’m looking forward to their match.  It’s probably the only title match I AM looking forward to.

Can we please just drop the Santina Marella gimmick already?  It’s grating on my nerves.  I think Santino’s run his course in WWE.  And he needs a total character makeover.  Or he just needs to leave.  Also, Rosa Mendes is ridiculously hot in her wrestling attire.  Call me a chauvanist, I don’t care.  Because, quite frankly…DAMN.

Zack Ryder’s one-note gimmick has already worn out it’s welcome.  Unless they stick him back on Smackdown and recreate the Major Brothers, there’s nothing left for him to do in WWE.  Unless they manage to totally repackage him into a competent wrestler.  I won’t be holding my breath for that.

Jericho vs. Morrison would probably be my other pick for match of the week.  I found it a little strange to see Morrison as the babyface for the first time ever, but it’ll work, I suppose.  Kind of like MVP as a face.  Seeing as how there aren’t that many faces on Smackdown that would be prepared to take the reigns at the top, it looks like Morrison is going to get the nod for the main event push.  And who called that move all those weeks ago?  Why, yes, that was me!  I wasn’t expecting him to move to the top as a face, but, much like MVP, Morrison is so deserving of a main event spot in WWE it just isn’t funny.  I think everyone realized how special he was when he won the ECW Title at the last Vengeance PPV.  No one knew he was as ridiculously charismatic as he was.  No one knew how good on the mic he was.  And certainly no one realized how good of a singles competitor he was.  Sure, he had some awesome matches with jeff Hardy for the IC Title a couple of years back, but I attributed those great matches to Hardy, because I was (and still am, to some extent) a total Jeff Hardy mark.  But back to the Superstars match.  Morrison made Jericho look awesome, which isn’t an easy task in this day and age, and Jericho made Morrison look great during Morrison’s comeback, which was nice of Jericho.  Sure, Morrison lost, but that was Shelton Benjamin’s fault.  I suppose we’re going to be seeing a few more matches between two of the most athletically gifted wrestlers in all of the WWE very soon.  I just hope they keep this program short and sweet in order to allow Morrison to rise to the top of the heap.

Smackdown – Supposedly, Jericho asked to work with Mysterio for a long program.  It could be good, but given Jericho’s recent track record of being duller than a butter knife, I fear that it may be detrimental for Mysterio.  Especially if they have an IC Title match and Jericho wins.  Who knows.  Maybe Mysterio will pull some fun matches out of his ass with Jericho.  I certainly hope so.

Mike Knox needs to go away.  NOW.  Wasn’t he found guilty of owning steroids?  Shouldn’t he be in rehab or going through counseling instead of squashing legitimately talented people like Ron Killings?  HMMMMMM?

The Michelle McCool-Gail Kim match was pretty darn good, though I don’t think Creative should quash Kim’s momentum.  She’s on a path to a feud with Melina, and it shouldn’t be derailed by the admittedly talented but emotional-as-a-board-with-a-nail-in-it McCool.  I do like that she’s using the Styles Clash as one of her 20,000 finishers.  One of these two is going to challenge Melina soon, and I hope it’s Kim, because those two tore it up for about a minute and a half in one of those big diva tag matches a few weeks back.

It’s always nice to see Charlie Haas on TV, especially as Charlie Haas.  But he had to lose to Morrison in order to give Morrison some legitimacy and some build for his eventual matches with Shelton Benjamin.  I like that they’re giving Morrison a second finisher.  It shows that they’re getting ready for him to move to the big time.  Very few main event talents have just one finisher anymore.  Orton, Edge, HHH, and HBK all have just one, but most of the rest have two, and we all know that Undertaker has like 14.  But using a second finisher is a good sign that they’re letting him experiment.  I still say he becomes a world champion by the end of the year.

I can’t even remember the Punk-Edge match.  I do, however, like that Umaga’s finally getting injected right back into the upper card scene after so many months away.  I don’t particularly like that it’s coming at the expense of Punk, but I guess someone had to lose in order to put Umaga over, and Punk doesn’t need momentum since he’s got the Money in the Bank briefcase.  I’d bet that Punk’s going to cash in the briefcase at Judgment day seeing as how it is in his hometown and all.  I would hate to see the World Heavyweight Championship change hands AGAIN at a PPV.  Think about this: since Armageddon in December of last year, Edge has lost a title (Armageddon), won a title (Royal Rumble), lost a title and won a title in the same night (No Way Out), lost a title (WM25), and won a title (Backlash).  That’s far too much title shifting in a very short period of time, and it’s devaluing the titles that are being swapped back and forth like spit at a Spin the Bottle convention (yeah, I have no idea what that means either.  Cut me some slack, I’ve been awake since 5:15 AM).  Someone needs to hold the title for more than six weeks for me to give a shit about it.  So either Edge, Hardy, or Punk is going to need to win or retain this title and hold it for a good four to six months before dropping it to someone (probably Morrison).

So…did anyone actually pay attention to that Cryme Tyme segment?  Yeah, me neither.

I thought Dolph Ziggler was going to get a real push after his matches with MVP.  But then along comes the world’s biggest train-wreck, the Great Khali, and Ziggler is squashed like a very small bug.  When is Creative going to decide whether or not to push a guy or not?  At least JR finally said what I’d been saying for weeks: that Ziggler reminds him (and me) of Mr. Perfect.  I feel like I contributed a little to that, even though I know I didn’t.  Hey, I can dream that a guy like Jim Ross reads my blog, damnit.  And that he takes some of my ideas and uses them.  But that probably isn’t the case.  I can live with that.  I just love how I’m saying all these things and then they happen.

Again, I don’t remember the Hardy/Jericho match at all, but I can say that I’m glad Jericho won’t be gumming up the world for the WHC match between Hardy and Edge next week.  Don’t get me wrong: triple threat matches can be some of the most entertaining matches.  But if you stick in a guy who has zero actual involvement with the main event, chances are there’d be something screwy happening in the match.  We’ll get plenty of Jericho in the coming weeks and months when he fights Mysterio.

The one thing I really hope happens out of all of this week’s events: The World’s Greatest Tag Team reforms again.  As soon as Morrson goes over Benjamin, TWGTT needs to reform and take over the tag division on Smackdown.

So there you have it.  I’m going to end this column now because my keyboard is being a little piece of shit.  I bought a new one and it should be arriving in the next few days.  Remember kids: wireless does not always equal better.  That’s all for now, but I’ll be back, and with a new keyboard to boot!

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