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It’s Day Two of Top 5 Week, and guess what?  I’m not doing a Top 5 again!  This time, I’m doing a Top…hold on, let me count…Top 7 list!  These are likely going to be in no particular order, because all 7 of these are the Worst Finishing Moves!

7. Batista Bomb – Whee, a sitout powerbomb.  Haven’t seen that before as a normal move for several people.  Tommy Dreamer has a similar sitout chokebomb, but he never gets a pinfall victory for that move. Why should big Dave get wins for a less impressive move?

6. FU – Or Attitude Adjustment or whatever it’s called now that WWE ewnt for the PG rating.  It’s just a simple Fireman’s carry into a powerslam.  Kind of like a Death Valley Driver, but with less impact.  Also, John Cena’s other finisher, the STFU (or STF now) isn’t all that impresive, either.  It never looks like Cena’s really wrenching back on his opponent’s neck when he’s got it locked in.  Keep in mind, I’m not a Cena hater.  I just hate his finishers.

5. Sweet Chin Music – I know, you’re probably thinking, “But Sweet Chin Music was created back when finishers were monstly simple maneuvers!”  Well, times change.  When you’ve got awesome finishers like the Shooting Star Pres and the RKO, a superkick just doesn’t seem like a great move anymore.  Sure, it occasionally looks awesome when the opponent sells it really well, but most of the time it’s just unimpressive.

4. Mic Check – A lot of younger generation wrestlers have silly names for their finishers.  Mic Check, Moonlight Drive, Cross Rhodes…this one falls into that category, as well as being a fairly weak-looking finisher.  It’s like a reverse Russian Legsweep, or The Stroke but not quite.  Kennedy should switch back to using the Kenton Bomb, or the Green Bay Plunge.  Those at least showd off some athleticism.  That is, he should use them if he ever returns to the ring…

3. Trouble in Paradise – I love Kofi Kingston.  But he seriously needs a better finisher.  His current finisher looks like a weak Enziguiri, and it looks worse because most of the wrestlers who take the bump always cover the side of their head, so it never looks like an authentic finisher.  It just ends up looking kind of lame.  He needs a finisher that shows off his athleticism while also looking awesome and protecting the other wrestler without it looking so obvious.  Like the Celtic Cross.  Simple, effective, and Finlay’s protecting his opponent’s neck throughout.

2. Reality Check – It’s a knee lift followed by a neckbreaker!  That isn’t a finisher, that’s two regular moves that everyone knows how to do!  Your finisher should be unique to you, something only you use on a regular basis.  It shouldn’t be just two normal everyday moves.  He should use that springboard legdrop he’s used in about four matches.  That one at least looks kind of cool.  If he wants to make a name for himself on Raw, he needs a new finisher.

And the #1 Worst Finishing Move, by far, is…

The Knockout Punch! Seriously, why doesn’t Big Show just punch his opponent in the face in the first five seconds of the match and win every time?  It always seems to knock someone out, so why not just do it at the beginning?  Also, IT’S JUST A STUPID PUNCH!  It doesn’t matter how large you are, a single punch to the head in a wrestling ring should never knock someone out.  It just looks silly.  Show needs to go back to using the Chokeslam or the Showstopper or something that isn’t the most basic of moves.

Okay, moving on to some quick Raw thoughts.  Firstly, my inner mark squealed at the thought of a Jericho-Steamboat match at Backlash.  Now, I’m just hoping that Steamboat doesn’t get himself seriously hurt during this match, because it’s going to be intense as hell.  I’m sure Jericho will try to protect him as best he can, but Steamboat’s 56, and any crazy stunts like that suicide dive he did at WM 25 could spell disaster for him.  Let’s hope they keep it short and sweet.

Chavo gets buried in 15 seconds against Batista.  He’s inching closer to that #1 spot for Most Mismanaged Talent.  Once Christian wins the ECW title on Sunday, Chavo will take the #1 spot and probably hold on to it forever.

Kane-Punk was a decent four minute brawl.  I’m going to make a prediction here: If Cena retains the World Heavyweight Championship at Backlash, Punk’s gonna walk out, use his Money in the Bank contract, and win the title, bringing it to Smackdown and turning Punk heel.  He desperately needs to turn, and this would be a great way to do so.

The Santino bit was a touch funny, but not all that much.  I think he’s had his moment in the spotlight, and it’s time for him to step away.  Also, do you honestly think WWE is going to allow a man-on-man kiss on TV?  It just isn’t going to happen.

Melina-Beth was a decent match, and Melina looked really sad that she was leaving Raw.  But she’ll get to feud with Gail Kim and Michelle McCool on Smackdown, so that’ll be entertaining.

Cena-Jericho was a great match, especially the second half.  I hated the ending.  I always hate it when there’s a great match going on and some guy runs in to break it up and cause a DQ finish, even if it was to further a storyline or to make sure both guys get over before their matches at the PPV.  It leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Big Show-Rey…Rey’s last match on Raw, probably for good, and they have him job to the giant?  It’s almost as embarassing as MVP’s loss to Dolph Ziggler last Friday night.  Why couldn’t Rey’s last Raw match have been a competitive, awesome match against…hell, anyone else?  Have him face Brian Kendrick.  That’d be a great match.

HHH-Orton No DQ was okay.  In a strange sense, it sort of echoed their WM25 main event in that it didn’t live up to the hype and it wasn’t the best match on the card.  Also, the major problem that distracted me from the supposed emotion and intensity of this whole feud was Randy Orton’s ridiculously over-the-top selling of his leg injury.  And you think Batista oversells?  Orton flops around the mat, screaming at the top of his lungs, clutching his leg like it’s attached to his hip by a thread.  It just looks stupid.  If he wants to sell a leg injury, quietly clutching your leg while curled up in the fetal position with a very pained facial expression is much more effective than flopping around the ring like a fish out of water.  And then, of course, he no-sells the injury at the end when he hits the RKO I saw coming 50 miles away.  Kind of a weak buildup to their strangely stipulated match at Backlash.  I hope they just end their feud for good this time.  Have Batista turn on HHH, let Orton win the title, then have HHH and Batista feud for a little while, and let someone else climb the ladder to take on Orton.

Well, that’s it for me for today.  Tune in tomorrow for another Top 5 list and maybe some ECW thoughts if I’m feeling frisky.

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One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Links for April 2009 « Dr. Darin Davis on 01 May 2009 at 10:03 pm

    […] Top 5 Worst Finishing Moves.  I would add the Samoan Spike to this list, but he has it on his list of Top 8 Best […]

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