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Yes, I know, that was entirely uncalled for.

Welcome, one and all, to the exciting world of my ranting!  Each week, I’ll be bringing you a new entry about something that’s gotten me so worked up I actually have to write about it and hopefully have other people read it and agree with me (or disagree; I’m completely open to arguments).  These will be presented as what I like to call Rantables, a word I’ve been using for quite some time and a word I’m considering getting trademarked so other people don’t steal it and make money off of it.  You can use it, but just be prepared for me to take legal action against you if you do.

I’m only partially kidding.

Anyway, this week’s Rantable is actually a repost of sorts.  It’s something I wrote a couple of days ago on another blog I have (http://gibson-rocks.livejournal.com/), but that’s more for general day-to-day activities.  This blog will be dedicated to my Rantables, unless I feel like writing something else for some reason or other.  I’ll put those in a different category so as not to confuse you or anger you because I wrote something other than a Rantable.  Not that anyone’s reading this right now, since I’m still writing the entry.  Anyway, here it is, ladies and gentlemen: your first evel Rantable, simply titled:

Fuck Nickelback.

Brought to you today by SPAM. By some and huck it at a neighbor you hate! SPAM.

Today’s Rantable:

Nickelback (the band) continues to amaze me. Not with amazing songwriting or powerful live shows. No. They ontinue to amaze me by being as popular as they are with such horrible songs. They are the masters of the one-riff song. They take one boring, shitty guitar riff and play it over and over for three and a half minutes (it’s always three and a half minutes, plus or minus maybe five or ten seconds here or there for “variety”) with some very small changes sprinkled in there for dramatic effect (and, supposedly, to let the listening audience when they’ve switched from verse to chorus or from chorus to bridge, which, of course, doesn’t work because the whole song always sounds like a three and a half minute opening verse). Then, there are the lyrics. I’m going to post the lyrics of an apparently brand new single that I heard THIS MORNING (ED: this was posted on January 2nd, so I heard this song two days ago).

Nickelback – Something In Your Mouth

(I take no responsibility for the offense you may take at these horrible lyrics)

Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
They say its over budget but you’d pay her just to touch it come on
Needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
if Hollywood had called her she’d be gone before you holler come on

Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long
Doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody, ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along

You naughty thing
You’re ripping up the dance floor honey
You naughty women
You shake your @ss around for everyone
You’re such a mover
I love the way you dance with anybody
The way you swing
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter
with Something in Your Mouth

Crafty little lip tricks tattoos on her left hip
She bending as your spending
There’s no ending its so baby, come on
Dressed up like a princess beating that her skin smells better
than the scent of every flower in the desert, come on

Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
doesn’t care about the money she could be with anybody, ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along

You naughty thing
You’re ripping up the dance floor honey
You naughty women
You shake your @ss around for everyone
You’re such a mover
I love the way you dance with anybody
The way you swing
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter
with Something in Your Mouth

She loves the night scene bar queen living for the fun
Taking over every dance floor like she’s the only one
In the spotlight all night dissing everyone
trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb
Your so much cooler
When you never pull it out
So much cuter
with something in your mouth

You naughty thing
You’re ripping up the dance floor honey
You naughty women
You shake your @ss around for everyone
I love the way you dance with anybody
The way you swing
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
You naughty thing
You’re ripping up the dance floor honey
You naughty women
You shake that @ss around for everyone
You’rw such a mover
I love the way you dance with anybody
The way you swing
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
cause you look so much cuter
with something in your !

What I want to know is how any band can remain popular with contrived, cliche, just plain sexist lyrics like these. I said it way back when they first started getting popular that they’re probably just a bunch of wife-beating assholes, and however many years later (probably about eight or nine) they’re still churning out the same old shit. Jesus, large chunk of the population, why do you continue to listen to this waste of time and money? Go support artists who have talent, both musically and lyrically! I’ve said many times before that I’m not one to care about the lyrics of a song, but when they’re akin to the preceding song, I have to stand up and make my voice heard. Nickelback should be shot. All of them. And anyone related to them. Blech.

This morning’s Rantable was brought to you by SPAM. Cut it in half and stick a couple of olives on top and you’ve got yourself a SPAM head! SPAM – you’re not actually supposed to eat it.

There ya go.  That’s just a taste of what’s to come.  I’ve got plenty of subjects lined up for future entries and eventual Youtube posts.  Cause there are plenty of ways to get your voice heard now that the internet is a giant domain for every idiot and dumbass to make a point.  See you next week!

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